G16 Forum Discussions Spring 2002

G16 Forum Discussions Part 1

Part 1 || Part 2 || Part 3

Date:  06:32pm Feb 12, 2002 HST

Name:  Jeany

My story for this week seems silly and so insignificant compared to many others but I am making progress and so very proud of it. Last night I lit some candles in my apartment. About 5 minutes later my boyfriend stormed into the room and slammed 2 lighters down on the table and said, "Would you quit using matches to light candels, I hate the smell!" He then stormed out of the room. Usually I would follow him and instigate an argument, but I didn't. I continued on with my work, not allowing my self to think anything negative. I realized this when he came in to apologize, a few minutes later, and I had to ask him why he was sorry. I couldn't remember what he had done. Not only was I amazed by this but so was he, he is so used to my pouting and dragging little things on for hours. Some how I think I crossed the bridge before I began to have imparred thinking. What a wonderful feeling of accomplishment.


Date:  06:54pm Feb 12, 2002 HST

Name:  kailua

This week thursday I'm leaving for Las Vegas for a little vacation. The only problem was I had to get the days off at work. We can't "bid" for vacation on long weekends, so we have to ask people to trade their days off to work for us. I knew that my family and I were going to go on this trip for about a month now. So, about two weeks ago, I asked everyone on my shift to work for me. I got all their signatures and filled out all the paper work. The thing is, I asked this fellow coworker to work for me on her Saturday. To my surprise, she said yes. I was surprised because usually she doesn't work for anyone, so I was stoked that she said yes. This was about 3 weeks ago.

Last night however, she told me that she wouldn't be able to work it because she had some sort of an emergency. My immediate reaction was...of course, I got pissed. I asked her a while ago to make sure that I could fly out, and now she pulls out on me. So I told her whatever, and I just took my bid out and yeah, I was pissed. I knew that I couldn't take vacation, and I knew that there wasn't anyone else to work for me. Then I thought to myself, maybe there really is some sort of emergency, but then again, she's one of those people who only work at Hawaiian to get the flying benefits. Meaning, she don't want to work unless she absolutely has to. So I took my bid card to my chief and told her to cancel it. She asked me how come, and I told her what happened. Then my chief said, just take it off, I'll think of something to cover for you. That brought such a smile to my face and I was totally happy. All I know is I'm never going to trust that one coworker, or ever work for her for that matter!


Date:  10:38pm Feb 12, 2002 HST

Name:  Misty

Malia, my 10 mo. old daughter, has a nap schedule that varies from day to day. If she does not take a nap she gets fussy, because of this Malia getting a nap is very important to me. So, the other day on the way to a doctors appointment Malia fell asleep. I parked her in her stroller next to the T.V. in the office while we waited. A little girl came and stood next to the T.V. Her mom did not want her there, so she came and took her back to her seat. The little girl came back to the T.V. and again the mom took her back to her seat. This went on a couple more times, each time the girl getting louder with her whinning and the mom getting louder with her scoldings.

As this went on I started to feel very irritated with this mom. Why couldn't she just leave her daughter alone so that they would not be making all this noise that would surely wake up Malia? Of course Malia was woken by their noise, which resulted in her getting a 30 min. nap for the whole day. And like I predicted she was fussy that afternoon because she was tired. Despite this I was able to overcome my nagative feelings and cross the red bridge by thinking that maybe this mom did not want her daughter watching T.V. (which I think is rediculous) so she repeatedly took her daughter away from the T.V. instead of getting angry and yelling and spanking her. I crossed the red bridge and changed my irritable feelings towards this mom into trying to understand that she was just trying to do what she thought was best for her daughter.


Date:  10:47pm Feb 12, 2002 HST

Name:  Misty

This is in responce to Jeany #184. I think thats great that you were able to just roll your boyfriends anger right off your back and continue on with your work, without starting an argument. Usually when someone gets mad at someone else they get defensive and a heated argument follows. It is great that you were able to avoid an arguement!


Date:  01:46pm Feb 13, 2002 HST

Name:  Atlas

Jeany (184): There might something else bothering your boyfriend. Guys just to don't get so angry so quickly over something so small.

-Tooth Fairy Chronicle CONCLUSION (part 4/4) I've probed and poked this long enough.

I read back on all my entries about the Tooth Fairy and can only think of two words to evaluate it all: "Stupid, Stupid." Most of what I wrote did not get me closer to a "truth" or an answer, but built more twists and turns in an already complex labyrinth.

Do I think she's hot?: Yes Do I like her personality: Hell no. Did she offend me?: Yes.

So basically, she's aesthetically pleasing, but she's a biyatch. Simple, succint, but brutally correct. Anything else, any more "theories," were unecessary technicalities. Excessive brooding. And while I was too busy whiping myself for thinking I was an emotional-masochist, I missed the most important part of my reaction toward her rudeness: I didn't say anything to her and didn't acknowledge her offensive behavior. I won, not her.

The mystery of the Tooth Fairy has been solved. CASE CLOSED.

However, I did "discover" some things that I should analyze about myself and would make good fodder for my Report 1. 1. Am I in Option #3 (Negative Feelings toward self)? Emotional-Masochism was a constant theme in the Tooth Fairy episodes. I should analyze the reactions I had to other girls in the past to see if I resorted to self-torment back then as well.

2. Option #1 (Negative feelings toward world and others) Power-Struggle was another theme I noticed. But I think the struggle for power is universal, not just applied to me. I think people want to assert their supremacy over as much people as possible with any tools they have. Everything, from the way we shift our eyes, manner of speech, body-language, down to the clothes we wear. It is all rooted in a sub-conscious need to dominate other people. Whither if you're a jock who wants to display his/her physical supremacy, or a psuedo-intellectual who wants to show-off intellectual superiority by making up a long list of stupid theories about one little incident in the bookstore, we all do it.

More on that later.

-Atlas


 

 

Date:  03:33pm Feb 13, 2002 HST

Name:  frankychan

Well everyone,

Valentine's Day is almost upon us. This "fake" holiday created by Hallmark and candy companies to rake in more $$$. Ugh! This is one of my worst holidays.

My history w/Valentine's Day is pretty brutal. A girl I was seeing a while back leaves me to go out w/one of my co-workers, another one sends me back what I got her, and still ANOTHER one 'stuffs' me, as in 'shoots-me-down' while 20-odd people are listening to us.

Well, around this time I feel pretty low. I get kinda mad at myself, wondering why I can't have a 'normal' Valentine's Day for once. I've been trying to use the BLUE bridge technique but it hasn't been working. I think it's cause ALL of my Valentine's Day's have been messed up and haven't had a good one that makes me all 'pissy'.

And hey, I'm not looking for sympathy or anything. I'm looking for a place to vent! ;)


Date:  03:56pm Feb 13, 2002 HST

Name:  frankychan

In reposne to Kailua (post #185),

I think that's cool that you thought about your situation from your co-workers P.O.V. (point of view). When stuff like that happends to me, I sometimes say what's on my mind and it usually happens that my co-workers were telling the truth! (Insert Foot A into Mouth B).

BTW, win some $$$ for me! I think the Luxor is the best hotel/casino there is! I won some money there. Just don't play at the table's when your drunk, cause that's what I did one time...


Date:  04:50pm Feb 13, 2002 HST

Name:  sublime

In response to Erin: I think butthead was fealing challenged just by you wanting to get into his lane. When someone is wanting into your lane they often act territorial. They actually think in someway they have priority in the lain and will fight to keep it because they have been in the lane for a while. When I want to cut people off I first look to see if it is a women or I will cut in on a car who just cut into a lane. The cuter feels a bit guilty so will often (with no trouble) let a car in infront of them! The reason I cut women off and not men is because women are much less aggressive and will not come after me. I have had many guys try to follow me and even get out of their car and come at me at a stop light! Women won't do that.


Date:  05:10pm Feb 13, 2002 HST

Name:  sublime

I was walking In waikiki the other night and came across 6-7 guys me and my buddies brawled with last year. One recognized me on the crowded street and said to the others... "HEY THAT'S THE GUY" this was followed by nasty language from him and threats. I was enraged and had to internally fight myself in order to think logically. I was able to keep control and keep walking. I was very excited and wanted to turn and release my aggression on him and others but externally remained calm. I played my cards right and went home with no problems. I was able to cross the red bridge but crossing the blue bridge was a little harder because internally I was angry and wanted to return. The only way I got my mind off the jackass was girls.



Date: 
05:16pm Feb 13, 2002 HST

Name:  Benjamin Mendoza

In respond to Frankychan,

Well, this is the time in the year where people can actually be nice to each other, other than their birthday and Chirstmas. But you do not have to be alone on Valentines Day. If you find love with your friends, that is all you really need. If you are actually looking to fall into someone's arms and give love and have love in return, then I cannot help you there.

I've never been in a relationship but I did have some crushes, but that is what they are, crushes that crash..... (if that made sense). I do not know if I had ever been in love, but I did have that funny feeling in my stomach every time I saw a certain person. But, I am concentrating with school now, so I don't really have time for love. But, I got my friends, or at least I hope I do, to turn to. I love them a lot and I am glad they are there. But who am I to talk, I do not know how a relationship feels like hehehehehe

Take care Frankychan...... do be sad and cross that bridge


Date:  05:25pm Feb 13, 2002 HST

Name:  sublime

In response to the many relationships on the rocks, I look at relationships (BF/GF) as either potential lifemates or just someone who your passing the time with selfishly. Such as good sex, money or convenience. I don't think the second type is healthy or will lead to anything good. This being the case there are still SO MANY relationships that go on for years in which I think the people are wasting their lives and missing out on potential real loving relationships. I have been involved in both kinds of the above relations and there is no comparison to the satisfaction that the loving potential marriage partner provides. Selfish relations need to cross both bridges or nothing good will come out in the end.


Date:  05:38pm Feb 13, 2002 HST

Name:  Aftershock

One of the first things that most people learn about when working with computers is to BACK UP YOUR DATA. Well, when I went to work today I found that some idiot had thrown away the entire data folder, containing all of my precious work and also the work of my fellow employees. Three semesters worth of stuff down the drain. Man, I was pissed off.

When I first learned that my data was missing, I began to notice certain things about myself. I felt very anxious, my hands became sweaty, and thoughts of dispair cirled my head. All of a sudden, I found myself in the negative red zone. I had feelings of anger towards everyone in the offfice at that moment. I also noticed that I began to think of ways in which I could seek redemption. "Throw away all the other data folders on all the other computers" was one of the thoughts that rang through my mind. "Do something really mean to the network administrator" was another thought. I also noticed that there was increased use of vulger language in my mind (I was only thinking the words, not really saying it). The "spin" oin my emotional spin cycle also began to take effect. I noticed that I was becoming angry towards myself (option 3 - negative blue) because of my lack to back up my data.

Soon after this ordeal, I remembered that I had backed up some data. Not all was lost! I logically thought to myself that I was "not really screwed, just partially screwed." The only problem now is finding the disks with the data. At this point, I was no longer in the negative red zone. I was able to calm myself down and rid my mind of the devious thoughts that had passed just minutes prior, almost.


Date:  06:45pm Feb 13, 2002 HST

Name:  Benjamin Mendoza

Respond to Aftershock,

Well Mr or Ms Aftershock..... I am impressed on how you handled the situation. I guess I know how you feel because I was stressing out on trying to get my webpage on line and everytime I saved my page to a disk, I really don't know why but when I open the disk, it was gone. All my two hours of hard work was gone, and as hard as I worked to find it, it was gone.

My roommate and some of my other friends were in the room and they saw how hard I worked on that webpage, and to see it all gone just got to me. I kept a smile on my face though because I knew that complaining would not get me anywhere. So I took the time to re-do my page and now I have it up. I guess I crossed the bridge again. Feels good to stay positive.


Date:  10:04pm Feb 13, 2002 HST

Name:  Isabell

In response to Aftershock

I know exactlly how you felt when you found out that all of your work had been erased. I have been there before. However, the data didn't have to do with school work, rather it was with information that we had to input into the computer for work. I would say there were aproximately 150 or so profiles that we had to enter, and one day one of my other co-workers while trying to transfer the file, erased it all. When I first heard about what happened, I freaked out thinking about how much more work we would have to do to re-input all that information. My first instinct was to kill her, but then just like you found, some of the files were backed up so we didn't lose it all. I give you props for handling the situation in the way you did. I think that getting revenge for what happened wouldn't have made you feel better in the end. Good job!



Date:  10:17pm Feb 13, 2002 HST

Name:  Isabell

Just the other day, I had a rather refreshing experience. Being the only child left at home, after my sister and brother left for the mainland, and also being the youngest, has brought with it a whole lot of extra stuff that I didn't count on having. For instance, I am expected to make up for all of the chores that are not being done by my brother and sister, I am to get the perfect grades, I am to be the perfect child, and besides all of this, I am never to grumble. Many times, it has occured when either my mom or my dad would start lecturing me about how I'm carrying on and how I need to focus more on my goals towards the future. Now I understand that I am the only one home and that it was a big change for my parents going from 3 children to 1, but I didn't know that it would make it harder for me.

Take for instance the other day, while in the morning I was lying on the couch gradually getting up to get ready for school, when my dad came along and asked me what I was doing. I simply said "I don't wanna go to school, I'm so tired." Now, I meant just for that day, cause I was especially tired, however, my dad had another idea on his mind. He quickly responded "so, you don't want to go to school huh. Well then why don't you just drop out and start working already (note to the reader, I also have two jobs currently). You know just enter the 'real world' already since you don't want to go to school."

Normally when confronted with this sort of response from my parents (which I get on a rather normal basis), I usually start to defend myself by telling them all the things I do, and remind them about all the things that my brother and sister don't do. Which usualy ends up in a lenghty no win situation for both of us. But for some reason this particular morning, I didn't do that. I simply thought to myself hmmm, he must miss my sister and brother, and instead of just talking it out with me he needs to express it in a different way. I rationalized that maybe he didn't understand my statement and that next time I should explain further. Like "I'm tired, I don't feel like going to school for JUST TODAY" and that way he'll better understand. I was glad that I didn't argue with my dad because I love him and I really don't like having ill thoughts about him.


Date:  11:42pm Feb 13, 2002 HST

Name:  psyloche

in response to isabell, It is good that you were able to take those other factors into consideration, since you normally would have argued with your father. Most of the time when my parents confront me with something like that I end up getting into a massive misunderstanding with them and in the end there is a lot of swearing and frustration. I suppose the most important thing to do is to be able to recognize when you are becoming upset, as so to be able to cross over the bridge and minimize the damage on both sides. I do believe though that if you are always mad and you never let out your tension, you may have an extreme overload. I dont know, what do you people feel about restraining your feelings and repressing your emotions.


Date:  08:28am Feb 14, 2002 HST

Name:  Kapenalani

This past weekend I was stuck on the negative side of the blue bridge. I don't normally like to get down on myself, and feel like I am not good enough, but it occurred this past Sunday. I usually play soccer on Sundays, however i've been on the injured list because I tore my ligament in my ankle back in September. So, I missed an entire season, and I am only now getting back into shape. (And it has been really hard) On Sunday there was a scrimmage, and I was invited to play. I was very nervous and all of these feelings of doubt began to overwhelm me. The first sign of of negative emotion was my plams became sweaty, and then the unrational thoughts began to consume me; like you have to do this right, and make sure that you don't let that girl burn you, and etc. Whenever I began to feel and think this way, I know that it is not good for me, and this type of attitude will not help me play my game any better. I just couldn't seem to think of anything positive, which was really beginning to bug me!

During half time my boyfriend could tell that I was feeling a bit down, and so he told me that I need to stop telling myself that I can't do things! Which I have been doing a lot lately when it came to athletic things. He helped tremendously by telling me all of the good things that I had done in the first half; whereas I was only dwelling on all of the mistakes that I had done. He helped me to come back on the positive side of the blue bridge by making me understand that I may not be the best that I can be right now, but in time it will come back. So, he told me to concentrate on the things that I am doing good, and also notice the things that I need to work on. Then plan my work out schedule with these things in mind. (When he told me this I thought of this Psy 459 class, and how we have been talking about creating goals that are attainable and realistic.) I feel that I need to be able to control my thoughts and let them get out of hand because being on the negative side of the blue bridge dos not help in any way.



Date:  08:39am Feb 14, 2002 HST

Name:  Kapenalani

In response to Isabell

I feel that as much as possible, especially when it involves family that we should stay on the positive side of the red bridge. I know that living at home can be very trying at times, but think of all the good things that come from it. You get to see your family everyday, whereas other people don't ever get to see there family. So, why waste time getting upset at your parents. I know I used to do this all of the time with my grandparents. But I just tell myself that maybe they are in a bad mood, so they don't know how to control their emotions, and so when someone else is near they release it. But don't you think that it feels so much better not to answer back, and then that way there are no regrets about what was said later.


Date:  09:11am Feb 14, 2002 HST

Name:  samatha

Recently I had to go to the dentist, and lucky me the dentist I go to is the same one as my boyfriends mother goes to. The whole story behind her (the mother) and I will take to long to tell so I wont' bore you. But the whole thing was when I went in the first thing they tell me is your mother was here. I jerked back and said quickly that is not my mother and made sure they knew it. I guess what I'm saying is that instead of crossing the blue bridge I stayed on the negative side and chose a negative option. The sad things is that I always let it happen when she's around. That will be one of the ultimate bridges I will need to someday cross.


Date:  09:16am Feb 14, 2002 HST

Name:  samatha

Road Rage! At first it feels so good but then I feel bad in a small way. Yesterday a green jaguar wasn't looking where she went and as she got off the freeway she came flying in front of us causing us to slam on the breaks bearly avoiding her. She was oblivious to the whole fact that she didn't stop to merge into our lane. Then to top it off right after that she stops in the middle of the road turns on her signal and then tries to turn to the right lane. I was so pissed off one because my daughter was in the car and we could have been really hurt, secondly she shouldn't have her lisence at all. So as we drove by I wanted to look and probably flip her off. But I crossed that bridge to make me a better person, and looked straight foward and didn't look at the stupid women. But I still think she should have at least gotten a ticket or not even be on the road.


Date:  12:02pm Feb 14, 2002 HST

Name:  Atlas

Franky,

I'm willing to bet the rent that there are only two types of love. The first is parental love, which is the bond that exists between a parent-child and child-parent.

You know that feeling when you like a girl so much just seeing her makes your stomach churn? That UNFULLFILLED desire that gnaws at your heart and keeps you awake at night. That's the other type; Unrequited love.

People who have only felt Unrequited love are the only one's to know what it truly feels like to be in love. It's a completely idealistic and romanticized, untarnished by jealousy, doubt, and infedility.

-Atlas


Date:  12:28pm Feb 14, 2002 HST

Name:  Michael

Yesterday as I was driving home I experienced Road Rage. It wasn't rage for the other drivers on the road but for my roommate who was yelling at me for not driving fast enough. I personally drive the way I want to and if I don't feel safe then I won't drive over the speed limit. We were in no rush to get home but yet he still huried me. I was outraged at first by his "back-seat driving" but then calmed down and asked him if he would like to finish the drive home. He knew where I was coming from about the whole safety issue. He let me drive home in peace after I confronted him about his actions. I could have yelled at him but from past experiences fighting in the car can be very dangerous.


Date:  12:32pm Feb 14, 2002 HST

Name:  Michael

Today I have been feeling very inadequate with myself. I am trying to get caught up in school as well as make plans with my sweetheart for tonight. Why do teachers have to give Midterms the day after Valentine's Day?? I wanted to be able to have a nice dinner and spend time with the one I love, instead I am stressing out about school. After I took a break from studying I realized I should not be complaining about too much homework on Valentine's Day. Instead I should be thinking about how fortunate I am to have someone so special in my life to share this very special day. A lot of my friends are complaining about not having a Valentine. I feel fortunate to have someone in my life that cares so much about me:)


Date:  03:03pm Feb 14, 2002 HST

Name:  SteggyBlue

Well Happy Valentine's Day everyone:) I really love to share happiness on special occasions with everyone else except my family. I have this problem on every occasion. I debate whether or not I should call my parents. I ruminate over all of the bad things they did to me, but I still feel compelled to call them because they are still my parents. I have decided to call them later tonight.

I am generally a happy person, but my family, namely my mother just really upsets me. I know I am actually the one giving her the power to upset me, but I don't know how to really deal with it. I am still very hurt and traumatized by the many bad/evil things that she has done to me. The one incident I am still hurting over ( I don't know if I can ever get over it) is the time she physically hurt me so bad that I was taken to the ER in an ambulance and had to stay in the Intensive Care Unit for 2 days. She had beaten me so badly that I was in a coma for 2 days.

While I was in the hospital, she had moved back to where my father lives (on another island) and changed the phone number at my dad's house. The doctors, police and psychiatrists tried to get a hold of her. I decided not to press charges and just moved out to be on my own once the hospital released me. Thus I moved out when I was 19 and have been on my own ever since. I harbor very resentful feelings towards my mother. It is because of her that I fear having children of my own. I worry that I will turn out to be like her because we share the same psychiatric disorder (she refuses to believe she has it). But with a very supportive boyfriend, good friends and a wonderful psychiatrist, I am realizing that I am my own person and have the choice on how I handle my emotions and actions. So I guess the bad experiences in my life have had a purpose...to show me how not to act/react when things are not going my way. Maybe just maybe I can forgive her someday.


Date:  03:28pm Feb 14, 2002 HST

Name:  SteggyBlue

In response to Jujubee

I think that all females in general have gone through the same thing of comparing ourselves to other women. "She's soo pretty", "How can she eat that and still look like that" and "I would love to look like her" are statements either myself or my friends have made in the past and sometimes continue to make. I am trying not to compare myself anymore and trying to keep in mind that my boyfriend loves me for me. Your boyfriend loves you too and you should always remember that:)

I have tried to change my thinking about the way I should/must look. I know that I will never be a size 3 and have sexy long legs (I am 5 foot 2 inches)...so I have just decided to work on the things I can and want to change.


Date:  03:29pm Feb 14, 2002 HST

Name:  Maylyn

In response to Dana Jones I understand how you feel about sometimes wanting or wishing to look like someone else. I feel that way myself sometimes. However, I learned that beauty is more then just skin deep. A girl or guy can be the most drop dead gorgeous person on the outside, but if they treat people like crap the only thing they're good for is to look at. I felt like that with my ex. I thought he was the most good looking guy I ever laid my eyes on, but then when I looked at the way he treated me he was so mean to me. I also learned that if a person is beautiful on the inside it shows on the outside because people take notice of these things as well.


Date:  03:40pm Feb 14, 2002 HST

Name:  Maylyn

My boyfriend and I got into another argument again. Everytime when something is wrong or he tells me something to offend me I automatically lie to him and say nothing is wrong when he asks me what's wrong. He gets mad when I do this. However, he still stays on the phone and tries to work things out with me. I did some thinking last night and discovered that everytime I lie to him about nothing bothering me I engage in self-destructive behavior. I not only hurt him, I hurt myself as well. Thus, crossing over onto the positive red bridge becomes difficult for me because I am in denial. With this destructive behavior I start picking on him. I realized as well that when I deal with my anger in a way that is positive I get positively reinforced for this. He responds to me more lovingly and actually takes the time to really work things out for me.

I always do this with him, but I never understood that everytime I do this the more it messes me up. The one thing I want is to be in a healthy, loving, and lasting relationship with someone, but how can I attain this when I engage in destructive behavior and don't even admit or recognize what I'm doing wrong. With all of this I don't even do anything to try to deal with this in a more effective way. There are so many other things that I could instead of lying to him.


Date:  03:55pm Feb 14, 2002 HST

Name:  psyloche

One of my pets died the other day and I was quite upset about it. It took him and burried him in the back yard and put a little tombstone for him. After that I was in a bad mood for the rest of the day, mad because of the death and mad also because everyone else seemed okay around me. It really pissed me off to see everyone in a good mood while I was in a bad mood and so I let everyone around me know. Later on that day while I was at home I was still all snap and it just so happenend that I ended up snapping at my mom. As is usually the case mom snapped back and told me to shut up. She told me "he's dead, so what are you going to do about that?" Then I thought about it and she was right. He was dead and there was nothing that I could do about it, so just accept it. I was only making it harder on myself. Sometimes I need the help of other people to be able to cross the red bridge, and I'm glad that I was able to and get all that behind me.


Date:  06:35pm Feb 14, 2002 HST

Name:  dudewheresmycar

I dont know about you guys, but Im one of those people who have the tv on whenever Im home. Im not necessarily watching it, but I kinda dig it when something is flashing and making noises. One TV channel that I absolutely cannot stand is FOX news. FOX in news is the eqivelent of the Howard Stern Show in radio. Except that I watch Howard stern for the T&A, but listening to O'Reily distorts the facts and cheaply promotes the network's agenda is unbearable. I adopted the term "info-tainment" for this sort of thing. Both Dan Rather and Bill O'Reily are therefore "info-tainers". Dan Rather: 75% info, 25% tainment; Bill O'Really: -20% info, still no entertainment. Now Im not all bent out of shape or anything over it. But I constantly wonder what the hell happen to jounalism integrity. The more I watch FOX, the more I wonder. The more I wonder, the more I worry about people actually soak up this crap that FOX is selling (note to myself: Warning! Borderline disorder behavior!). The more I worry, the more "uncomfortable" I feel. Like I said, I am not upset about it, but sure felt theaterned as far as my beliefs in civil liberty, eduation, enviroment, and etc. are concern. So I always end up switching to another channel. Nonetheless, I think that I got to do something about my emotion. Afterall, I am letting a stupid TV getting the upper hand.


Date:  06:52pm Feb 14, 2002 HST

Name:  dudewheresmycar

Re: Maylyn #210 Whats wrong? honey.

I think that your behavior is pretty normal(not to say that its constructive). I think that girls usually have a lateral type of communication style: alot of it are based on sharing and being on the same level. As compared to boys, we like to talk vertically (one up and one down positioning). Hence, when he asks you whats wrong, that pisses you off more because you are thinking "where the hell have you been? so much for the sharing!!" In fact, I think that boys are more used to "tell me the problem (one down), and I will give you a solution (one up)." So perhaps this will help if you keep this in mind next time he ask that stupid question again. -DWMC P.S. Thanks Frankychan and Atlas for helping me setting up my pad on the web.


Date:  09:22pm Feb 14, 2002 HST


Name:  frankychan

To psyloche (post #211),

I know what you mean man! About a year ago my cat died (my one and only pet). I came home from school and work and was freekin' exhausted. Well, my mom comes up to me and tells me that 'Satch' (my cat's name...you got a problem?!) was hit by a car. They said it was pretty bad.

Now, my parents don't like pets but new I loved that cat cause it was like my bro. I'd carry it around and play w/it, when it was hurt I fixed it up. Anyway, when my mom told me that, I busted out in tears (call me a wuss..I no care!). First thing I did was jump in my car and speed down to the Humane Society but they told me it was too late. Well, to make a long story short I got home and everyone was all like "What-the-heck-is-your-problem?" It seemed noone cared but me.....so I can sympathize w/ya! Just pick up your ca-ho-ne's and move on!

....and hey dudewheresmycar....I'm supposed to be mysterious! Yer welcome though.


Date:  02:07pm Feb 15, 2002 HST

Name:  dudewheresmycar

Re; Frankychan #189

I feel your pain. Whats up w/ the Val. day crap. We say that Christmas can be stressful because some people do not have family and feel lonely. Val day is the grand master of all insulting holidays. I would bet a good 60%+ of the population is either not in a relationship or not in a happy enough marriage or relationship to worth celebrating for. Yet forced to do something/anything, resulting from all the media influences. It got to be the biggest rip-off or the least democratic festival.


Date:  04:48pm Feb 15, 2002 HST

Name:  Jay Akasaki

Last week I was driving towards the Leeward side of Oahu and I noticed something come over me while driving. For about 15 minutes, a car was following very close to my back bumper while I was driving. I tried to remain calm by thinking of things that I had to do for the day. I even switched lanes a couple of times to try and let the car pass. What do you know, the car still was following me. So I thought that maybe it was someone that I knew, but it wasn't. Ok, now this car was really pissing me off. I couldn't seem to keep myself in a happy state of affairs anymore. Evil thoughts ran through my mind of what might happen if I pulled over on the side to have a confrontation, because I was almost at that point. Finally the car passed me on the left side, and I made sure to look and see who was driving this car. Come to find out, it looked like an elderly women and her grandchild in the car. I really felt like an idiot. What if I did wave that car down? I would have made a fool of myself. Plus what kind of impact would I have made on the child? Only if I could keep myself from crossing the bridge to the negative side!


Date:  05:09pm Feb 15, 2002 HST

Name:  Jay Akasaki

In response to SteggyBlue

I'm sorry to hear about the traumatic experiences that you have encountered. I feel that it was a good idea calling your family on V-Day. It might be a small step in overcoming the resentment. I myself do not know how it feels to be in your situation, but I have all the respect for you. You made a choice to overcome this ordeal one step at a time, and that's a big step. Hopefully, one day all of this negative energy can be distinguished so that everyone can have a more fuller life. Well, I wish you the best of luck in finding your path in life.


Date:  05:28pm Feb 15, 2002 HST

Name:  Jay Akasaki

Last night was a night to remember. I had to study for an exam that I had to take today. I never felt more anxiety than what I had encountered last night. I think that the anxiety was triggered by all of the information that I had to review. The content of the test primarily dealt with physiology of emotions. To make the situation worse, I had never taken any class relating to physiology. Most of the handouts that I had to read seemed to be of a nomadic language. The anxiety became so bad that I couldn't sleep. While I was lying in my bed I could feel my disgust for the instructor build. For 2 hours straight I thought about what he had told the class on Wed. He said that we shouldn't worry about the test too much, it's only the first test. Even if this was the first test, I still want to establish a solid grade in the beginning. Over and over again, I could hear his voice rambling in my head. I came to a point where I got so fustrated that I had to drink a beer, and it was about 6:30 this morning. I distracted myself for the time being, and it felt great. Turning my attention on relaxing helped me to


Date:  05:51pm Feb 15, 2002 HST

Name:  Jay Akasaki

In response to Frankychan

The girl that left you for the other guy is not worthy of you and your crazyness. You are better off without her if she pulled something like that. Don't worry I'll hook it up. Hah! Although V-Day doesn't seem to work for you, you have to try and look at the brighter side of the picture. For me, this is the one occasion in which I enjoy. Not because of all the mushy stuff, but because everyone seems a lot happier on this particular day. I have a good feeling inside when I see others enjoying themselves. Don't worry about details on not having someone special on this occasion, because you are not alone. I'm in the same boat. I think that is why God invented BEER! When the time is right a special person will come into your life. Have patience because you are a goog guy, and God is probally just picking the right one for you. Stay strong and focused, don't give in to the naughty temptations.


Date:  09:22pm Feb 15, 2002 HST

Name:  Tracy

I witnessed a serious road rage at Ala Moana on Wednesday night. As me and my boyfriend were walking back to the car we heard a male voice swearing to get the f#$% out of my parking space. We took a look and as the male sat in his car he looked as though he was waiting for a parking space and a female in her car came from the other direction and parked there instead. The man had gotten very upset and started to swear at this women. I guess she had gotten really scared because she ended up moving her car out and leaving. This man who was screaming in a vulger language had gone from the blue zone to the red zone. He totally was not thinking in a rational manner. Maybe the women who took the parking stall didn't even see him waiting and maybe he didn't even have a blinker on to signal that he was going to park there. I believe that that woman deserves a apology.


Date:  09:35pm Feb 15, 2002 HST

Name:  Tracy

The other weekend my sister and her husband had come up to visit. A few times during the weekend they ended up fighting. At one point my boyfriend jumps into the argument and starts to tell my brother-in-law how me and my sister are alike in ways when it comes to who is right and who is wrong. Immediately, I started to get upset because I was just staying out of their business and here comes my boyfriend jumping into the argument. He got involved by throwing our business into the conversation as well. In a matter of seconds I had shifted from the blue zone to the red zone. I started to tell him to shut-up. After we dropped them off at the airport I had told him to stay out of it and don't drag our buisness into their problems. And also to stop making me out to look bad when I am not. He then explained to me that he did that in order to break the tension between them two being that they were fighting all weekend. I then understood and bridged back to the blue zone. I just wished he had informed me before hand of what he was going to do so that I wouldn't have gotten upset.


Date:  09:45pm Feb 15, 2002 HST

Name:  Tracy

In response to Jay Akasaki - 04:48pm Feb 15, 2002 HST. I just don't understand how you still switched lanes a couple of times to let this women go and she still ended up following you. I mean was she doing it to spite you? The part where you say that as she passed you, you had to look in order to point out who was the one at fault made me think of what Dr. James said in class. Remember what Dr. James had told us in class about when we end up having to look who it is that is pissing you off we look for assurance to see that person to point the finger to and place the blame. I know I do that all the time. I want to see their face so I can start to vent and say things like, "Oh, so you're the idiot who has been driving so close".


Date:  10:00pm Feb 15, 2002 HST

Name:  Tracy

In response to psyloche - 03:55pm Feb 14, 2002 HST. I also have pets and I would be very upset if one of them passed away. I am very close to them. I think you were the one who was most upset because you were closer to your pet more then anyone else. I feel that maybe you deserved a little bit more compassion rather than having your mom telling you to shut-up. It kind of puzzles me a little to read that by your mom having to tell you to shut-up made you realize that you should accept the death of your pet and that that also made you bridge back to the blue zone. Everyone who owns a pet creates a strong bond with them. They become part of the family and when we lose them it hurts just as bad as if we were to lose a close relative. Maybe you could have found another alternative to vent rather then snapping at your mom. But, still I feel as though she should have realized that it is harder for you to cope with the death of your pet aside from the others that had a easier time to deal with it,

 

 be more mellow while taking the test.  This Wednesday my boyfriend had to take his car into a shop to get something done. He made his appointment at 8:00 in the morning. they said that it would take about four hours. After we came home he asked me if i would not go to class and go with him so that i could keep him company. I willing agreed because if that was me i would want him to keep me company also. So wednesday came along and we dropped off the car. First we ate breakfast then went to Ala Moana. While we were at Ala Moana he started to get mad cause i was shopping. (my boyfriend absolutely HATES shopping) Anyways, i figured we had nothing else to do so why not shop? Well that was a stupid move, i didn't want to hear him b!tch about it so i decided to leave. We had nothing else to do, besides continue to fight. So we got into my car and i just started driving, i was getting more pissed of because for 1) i did not go to school FOR HIM, 2)he had no suggestions of what to do, and 3)i actually needed to buy something for a friends baby shower. As i kept on driving i expected him to apologize and the longer he didn't the more angry i got with him. I was running out of gas to top it all off. So i had to pull into Chevron and fill up gas. I ended up in Kahala before he decided to even say a word, and once he did, i let him hear an earful. He talked me down and got me to cross the bridge. We ended up at Diamond head watching the people surf.


Date:  05:33pm Feb 16, 2002 HST

Name:  Marissa

in respone to jay akasaki.....

also get very nervous the night before a test. sorry but i have no suggestions on how to make it better. i don't know if i would drink a beer but hey if it works for you then i say drink one. As for the anxiety i know that mines comes from not studying enough. No matter how much times i tell myself to study at least two days before a test, i never seem to be able to do it. just remember that everyone has there own style, maybe stress and anxiety work for you, it sure does work for me.


Date:  10:02pm Feb 16, 2002 HST

Name:  Aftershock

In response to Jay:

Hey Jay, don't worry, I know how you feel about exam anxiety. Don't worry though, I'm sure that you did fine. And remember, a little exam anxiety is good because it helps in being prepared.


Date:  11:43pm Feb 16, 2002 HST

Name:  Atlas

RE: Dudewheresmycar (The O'Reilly Factor) -I like Bill O'Reilly. When he can get senators scared to show up on his program, that tells you he's doing a fine job indeed. I've read his book "The No Spin Zone" and I'm glad to see that SOMEONE if finally pointing out the idiosyncratic practices of today's "Limosine Liberals." I don't agree with everything he says, and he's not a right-wing fascist as the "liberal" communist-sympathizers like to snarl. He's a centrist, like 99% of the rest of us Americans. He merely takes the anti-thesis approach to today's popular pro-socialist mainstream mentality.


Date:  11:44pm Feb 16, 2002 HST

Name:  Alohaspirit

My problem .. at this point in time with all of the schoolwork piling up and tests/reports/presentations coming up ... I hate school. I'm depressed, sleeping more, and lacking the needed motivation to do my schoolwork. I miss my Dad and feel like there's no one to turn to. I feel so alone in my life. Also, there's like $28 dollars in my bank account and that's supposed to last me till the end of my month while I'm waiting for my loan. I'm broke, sad, and have a pile of homework to do.

At this point, I'm still stuck over the red bridge .. negative about self, about others, the world. Depression and full cynicism. That's the problem for this week. Updates latahs.


Date:  01:47am Feb 17, 2002 HST

Name:  Atlas

Subject: Males and the Struggle for Power

I’ve began to “systematically” (I hate using those 13 letter words) develop my ideas about a possible correlation between males and the need for dominance. The link is obvious already, but it’s unspoken (because it’s not “pc”). Well, I’m just going to say what’s been out in the open but forbidden to have an opinion on. Hypothesis 1: Larger, bigger men have a higher need for power/dominance than smaller, weaker men.

I was sitting in Barnes & Noble today (where I get most of my brain storming) when I saw a man and a woman come in and sit down at a table near my own. The man was carrying a “Muscle and Fitness” magazine and resembled one of the guys you would typically find in it. He had a chest like a water barrel and arms bigger than tree trunks. He could crush a Buick like tin foil. Standing next to him, I’d look like his dick in a cold shower. (negative feelings toward self?).

I began to think (yes I do that every now-and-then. It’s a habit I just can’t quit). “Why would a man feel the need to get so large? What drove him to become that massive? For what purpose?” My answer came almost instantly: Self-Protection.

“OK” began that pipsqueak voice in the back of skull. “But protection against what? Against whom?” Protection against other men who could threaten him. DUH!

And that’s what it all boils down to. That man would not have felt the need to become so big if he didn’t feel threatened by other men. Granted, some body-builders get ripped because of the sheer pleasure of physical exercise and maintaining good health. But come on, for the most of us, it’s because of this universal: All men feel the need, even if sub-conscious, to assert their dominance over other men. To me, the link is as obvious as a priests hard-on after giving a sermon on the evils of pornography.

So the Alpha-Male and his girlfriend sit at a table within ear shot of me. I watch intently their body language and conversation of different aerobic exercises. The man says very little, but when he did speak, the woman hung to every single word of his as if they were pearls of wisdom. Like she was receiving commandments on top of Mt. Cyanide from a burning bush. He sits there with his arms folded across his muscular chest in silence. He doesn’t need to say anything, his rippling arms do the talking for him.

WAIT! There IS a point to all this. It just takes me novel-length blabbering to get to it.

I felt pangs of jealousy. I’ve never had a girl listen with genuine interest to anything I’ve ever said. He could talk about the depleting sea-monkey population in the Guatemalan economic recession of 1978, and STILL have their devoted attention! The most attention I’ve ever got from girls was silence… then they’d roll their eyes in boredom (or apathy, or contempt, but mostly boredom). When people, especially girls, see him walk by they think: “Now THAT’S a man.” When they look at me they think: “THAT is a fart, blowing in the wind.”

Then that freaking annoying squawk hiding among the brain cells in my head squealed out: “There has to SOME advantages of being a short, skinny, weak kid! And whatever advantages they are, they might be disadvantages for HIM.” (Blue-bridge?).

My first instinct was to look around the cafˇ at the OTHER males to see what their reaction was to the Alpha-Male’s presence. I didn’t see anything in their faces. But maybe that WAS the disadvantage. Perhaps the other men felt intimidated by Alpha-Male, and would automatically have less trust, and more contempt and sub-consciously emotionally “isolate” him in silent retaliation And that was MY advantage. Being small and weak, I am seen as less intimidating and therefore generally have more trust and “likeableness.”

“Yeah right” said that cynical, Sigmund-Freud-Intellectualization-Defense-Mechanism. “You know you would trade places with Alpha-Male in a second.” So what if I had the single trump card in the whole deck, when Alpha-Male has all the face cards? The deck is still stacked against me.

So finally, here is my main point:

Bigger males win most of the time. But every now and then… one of us small guys will win. And when we win, we win BIG. All the greatest prime movers in history were the underdogs: Copernicus, Rockefeller, Ghandi, FDR, King Jr., Socrates, and yes, even Stalin, Napoleon, and Hitler (greatness goes both ways). So while Alpha-Male gets to go the prom with Mary Jane the hot cheerleader, entire empires have rose (and fell) and thousands of years of mainstream thought were molded by the little guy. One can not move nations and achieve their dreams through brute force alone. There’s more than one way to prove you’re a man than just having big arms.

Hypothesis #2: Smaller, “weaker” men have more ambition than "stronger" men.

What do you think? (please no personal attacks).

-Atlas


Date:  01:33pm Feb 17, 2002 HST

Name:  Reaves

Thursday night when I was coming home from school, there was another driver that made me a little angry. Since it was raining, most cars were driving a little below the posted speed limit. I think most people who drive across the Pali know how bad the road can get when it has been raining. Anyway, I was driving in the fast lane and going the posted speed limit. A car came up behind me driving pretty fast, but I couldn't move over because there were other cars in the other lane. I began getting really mad at the car behind me because the were riding really close to me as if they wanted me to move out of the way. I would have moved if I could. I found myself thinking very irrational thoughts. I thought about slowing down to make them mad. I got so mad that I even thought about how they would feel if I slammed on the brakes. After these thoughts had gone through my mind, I remembered about how easy it is to let road rage take over and keep me on the negative side of the spin cycle. I did not want to keep myself in this dangerous situation(Using the bridge technique). Therefore, I kept an eye on the driver behind me for my own safety. I did not change by driving by speeding up or slowing down. As soon as there was room, I moved to the other lane to allow the driver to pass. I felt good about myself because I didn't let this person lead me into a dangerous situation.


Date:  01:45pm Feb 17, 2002 HST

Name:  Reaves

I don't understand why people have to be in such a rush sometimes at the expense of the well-being of others. Last week I was driving home from school when another car did something that could have turned out to be very tragic. I was following behind a car that had come to a stop at a crosswalk in front of an elementary school. I saw the two little boys that the driver had stopped to let cross the street. Another car came up behind me and didn't want to wait for me and the other car to go. They decided to pass us on the right. My initial reaction was one of terror because I thought they were going to hit the children. Thank goodness the boys were walking across slowly and the car went by before they got to that side of the crosswalk. In my mind, I was definetly on the negative side of the cycle. I was thinking that the passing driver was a real idiot that needed to slow down. He should have known that there was a good reason for us to be stopped in the middle of the road. I stayed mad for quite a long time while I was driving. This was changed when I found myself doing the sort of thing the other driver had done. There was a green light in which the car in front of me was turning left. I wanted to proceed straight through the light and didn't want to wait forever for the other car to be able to turn left. So, I did what many people do and passed the car on the right and proceeded through the intersection. I realized at that moment that I was just as wrong as the earlier driver. I was in a hurry and didn't want to wait. I could have very easily hit someone from the other side of the intersection that was turning also. I think that this situation has offered me a bridge to use in future situations when someone passes in a hurry. Even though it still will be wrong and unsafe, I think that understanding how easy it was for me to do the same unsafe actions will help me not to think such negative thoughts about the other drivers.


Date:  08:43pm Feb 17, 2002 HST

Name:  Philbert

Last night was the Janet Jackson concert. I really wanted to go because I never went to a major concert like this before. One of my friends was going to go to the concert and more worse, she was going to be sitting in the fourteen row. Wow, imagine being that close at the concert. Well to make a long story short, I was pretty jealous that she was going. I really was. She was telling me how excited she was to be going to the concert and who was going to be there guest singing and the more she was telling me about that, the more I was getting jealous. Well she went to the concert. After the concert she called me and was really excited because she said that that was the best concert she ever went to. She was telling me about everything that happened and I was getting jealous again. I was actually getting kind of irratated and a little mad because I wanted to go to the concert but I couldn't go. I kind of felt like she was rubbing it in. I tried to keep my cool and tried to think positively. I kept saying to myself, "I had something else to do that night and that is why I couldn't go to the concert. Cannot help." But my friend could go and she went and she had a good time. I tried to tell myself to stop being selfish because I know that I was being selfish. After I stopped being selfish I was happy for her that she had a good time at the concert. She enjoyed herself and that was the best concert she ever been to and you know what? I'm happy for her. Why should I be getting jealous and mad at her for? I have no reason too. I know that she wasn't rubbing it in because she wouldn't do that because she knew that I really wanted to go to the concert. That was really stupid and selfish and inconsiderate of me for thinking what I was thinking before. I guess I'm going to just have to watch it on HBO tonight.


Date:  10:12pm Feb 17, 2002 HST

Name:  Philbert

In response to Marissa

I had the same problem with my ex-girlfriend. We would have no where to go and she would not have any suggestions also. So I would just drive and go to somewhere where I thought she would want to go. When we get there she would ask me, "why are we here?" Damn, for one thing, when I asked you where you wanted to go you said where ever I wanted to go. Then when we get there she complains. I think that is so irratating. So, I know where you are coming from. Even worse, you skipped your class for him and it didn't even seem that he was grateful for what you did for him. But, at least he calmed you down and everything was alright after. Did you guys have a good day after that? Going to Diamond Head must of made you calm down also huh? Well the main thing is that you gained control after and crossed the bridge.


Date:  10:38pm Feb 17, 2002 HST

Name:  Sunny

My brother and I have totally different personalities. He and I get into arguments at least twice a week. A couple of days ago, my mom got on him to do something. I was minding my own business and watching tv. He and my mom started arguing, then all of the sudden, he says, "she never does anything"(she = me). He always tries to bring me into his arguments. I usually react negatively and start fighting back. I realize that he does this to shift the negativity to me. I guess it's easier to fight back because that's what I always seem to do. Well, during the last weekly yelling match, I tried to practice one of the bridge techniques we're always talking about in class. I had a hard time keeping my mouth shut, so I just left the room. I guess it worked because I didn't react with rage. After arguments, I usually feel really tense like I need to scream more. By taking myself out of the room and argument, I saved myself some unnecessary stress.


Date:  10:52pm Feb 17, 2002 HST

Name:  Sunny

In response to Jay Akasaki

I was in the same boat as you last Thursday. I was stressing real bad about the exam. I had all these negative thoughts in my head like, "I'm so stupid, I don't even need this class." There was no way I was going to cross any bridge that night. Anyway, I'm so glad the test is over with. It almost seems like a distant memory. It's out of sight out of mind.


Date:  11:44pm Feb 17, 2002 HST

Name:  Alohaspirit

In response to:  SteggyBlue - 03:03pm Feb 14, 2002 HST (#207 of 235)

Hey, girl - your post really touched me ... I respect you for your strength in continuing on despite these past traumatic events in your life. I share some of your fears and believe in your hopes.

Take care.


Date:  12:46am Feb 18, 2002 HST

Name:  asantos

Recently a co-worker has been sick a lot and I am the only one to cover in a small work place. She is also a friend before working at this current job. My friend and I are the only assistants in our office so if she is sick then I am the only replacement. The more days I had to come in, the more I got angry at her. I know that she was actually really sick, but she has taken off to much in the past. She has abused the leniency our boss gives her as well as me covering for her. She has gone on trips to Vegas at least four times this year, not to mention her trip to Oregon, Seattle, or times where she just wanted to have a day off with her boyfriend. I think in any other job she would be fired already. So whenI had to be called in last minute I got so fed up with her to the point I wouldn't mind not seeing her for a while. I thought about my anger and also remembered what Dr. James had said in class. I tried to think about good things in her, but remembered I am supposed to think how she might actually be really sick and may be now she can never refuse me when I ask her for favors.


Date:  12:52am Feb 18, 2002 HST

Name:  asantos

response to Lauren Arakaki I think it is so good that you realized how to better teach and cope with your daughter. At this age your are laying down many rules and morals in her life and are now making it easier for you and her. It really takes a good parent to realize their own mistakes in raising children. It would be nice if every parent stopped and checked themselves out once in a while. The world would be a better place.


Date:  12:32pm Feb 18, 2002 HST

Name:  sunshine

It seems that everything that I seem to get upset at these days pertain to my boyfriend. What else is new?? I know all of you have heard everything concerning relationships, but I can't help that mines gives me the most stress, sometimes. Well this week my drama was a result of expecting too much from someone who really can't deliver. Of all the days that the sun rises and the sun sets, valentine's day is extremely important to people who have a significant other. At least that's what I think. But for my boyfriend, it was just another day. I was expecting to get a card or flowers or something from him that day, but I got nothing. I just got a "Happy Valentine's day" and that was it. The reason for that is because he thought the Brian Mcknight concert tickets he got us was enough for me for valentine's, but boy was he wrong. We got into this beef about how I didn't get anything and how disappointed I was. I understand that he's really low on funds, but I made it clear that it was the thought that counts. As we were arguing, I was so emotional and couldn't stop crying. But I actually took the time to stop and think about what I was feeling and tried to get myself to cross the red bridge. Doing that made me see that my complaints were selfish and rather childish. I had no idea how I was suppose to make this one up. So I pretty much left it up in the air. It hasn't been resolved and I don't think we'll touch on the subject again. Bad choice I think. But what else can I do?? All I know is that I'm no longer going to expect too much from him, because to be frank, expectation can lead to major disappointment.


Date:  12:43pm Feb 18, 2002 HST

Name:  sunshine

In Response to Philbert

Dude, I so feel you. Jealousy is humane and you really couldn't help to feel that way. Look at this way at least you get to watch the concert on TV. I had 4 chances to go to the concert for free, but passed on it because I really didn't feel like going. Janet Jackson is cool and all, but if I were to go to her concert, I'd want to see her not watch her on the jumbotron. I had the same experience with my homegirl that got to see Brian McKnight live before I did. I totally love Brian McKnight and I even made it one of my lifetime goals to see him live. When she shared her experience of the concert I was totally full of envy. But I was happy for her. She motivated me more to want to see him in concert even if it meant that I had to travel to do so. But fortunetly he came down this month and I was able to fulfill one of my dreams. I think things happen for a reason and things happen in time.


Date:  01:18pm Feb 18, 2002 HST

Name:  Aftershock

Subject: Males and the struggle for power

As I read Atlas’ interesting view on the correlation of males and the need for dominance I began to feel inspired myself and started to brainstorm some ideas. This is in no way intended as a personal attack against you, atlas. I am just another mind snapping off neurotransmitters while in the search for the truth.

Atlas’ Hypothesis 1: Larger, bigger men have a higher need for power/dominance than smaller, weaker men.

Aftershock’s Hypothesis 1: Larger, bigger men have more confidence and desire to succeed in highly competitive world than smaller, insecure men.

I am sure that I will burnt in this forum for taking the side of the “big guy”, but hey, we live in a democratic nation, therefore, we should have a fair trial before guilt is proven.

As I sat in Border’s sipping some overpriced coffee, I come to notice a fairly large man. As my eyes became fixated on his large muscular arms I came to recall the hypothesis set out by Atlas. I began to wonder whether there was some truth to his systematic interpretation of the need for larger men to dominate over smaller men. Incredibly, this large man sat adjacent to me holding in his hand a copy of the latest issue of Better Homes and Garden Magazine. No, he was not gay. He sat and read his magazine intently as if he was searching for a truth of his own. Soon after, a young woman sat next to him. This woman was not of the “super model” type, rather, she would be what many womanizing males would consider very modest looking and a little large. Certainly, this young lady was the anti-thesis of what I thought large, dominating men would look for in a female.

The couple (as I presumed) quickly strung up a conversation. I couldn’t help but listen in on their conversation. Their conversation seemed very pleasant. He began to talk about a book that he had read earlier in the week, providing his views on its climactic ending. She responded with delight, asking for the title of the book. At that moment, the alarm system went off and I was unable to catch the title of the book. The point is, their conversation did not consist of the large male over-glorifying himself in a way that would accentuate his masculinity. I later learned that the large male was an accountant (his occupation has nothing to do with physical, brute strength), the woman was his wife, and he had three children.

Case in point, not all large males wish to dominate over smaller and weaker males, they just have more self-confidence, enthusiasm, optimism (positive about self – option 4). Working out seems to provide them with what can be called as “self-enhancing behavior.”

On the other hand, the smaller, weaker man always has the need to “out-smart” the larger man, probably out of necessity. You see, smaller, weaker men often view themselves as incapable, incompetent, and powerless (negative about self – option 3). This is often seen in their frequent attacks against more dominating people (i.e. the alpha male). Their behavior is strictly out of rage and anger. They are angry with themselves and about their inabilities (i.e. to find a mate?). This would probably lead to emotionally impaired thinking which would ultimately lead to aggressive and destructive behavior (i.e. being so negative against larger males – option 1).

Atlas’ Hypothesis #2: Smaller, “weaker” men have more ambition than "stronger" men.

Aftershock’s Hypothesis #2: Smaller, “weaker” men have more ambition than "stronger" men but lack the desire to achieve. Larger, stronger men have ambition and the will to achieve.

What do you think? (Please no personal attacks).

- Aftershock

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