G14 Forum Discussions Spring 2001
This is Part 1:
Number11BUS 01/29/01 8:16 PM RE: Poll Question: Answer once per day. Rate your rage today:
Dear Dr. Driving,The Poll Question Rate Your Rage Today does not allow a new entry each day. I was able to enter my rating on my initial entry into the message board with a "handle" and never since. ??? Is this a glich?
ikibobo 01/11/01 12:55 AM RE: Poll Question
yep, i was pretty much raging today!!
DrDriving (Community Owner) 01/02/01 3:03 PM Poll Question: Answer once per day. Rate your rage today:
Answer once per day. Rate the intensity of your rage on an 8-point scale, with 1=hardly any and 8=maddening and stressful.Votes: 28
1 out of 8 (little) (3) 10.7%
2 out of 8 (2) 7.1%
3 out of 8 (9) 32.1%
4 out of 8 (1) 3.6%
5 out of 8 (3) 10.7%
6 out of 8 (6) 21.4%
7 out of 8 (4) 14.3%
8 out of 8 (much) (0) 0.0%
DrDriving (Community Owner) 01/02/01 3:15 PM Welcome G14--Spring 2001
I'm welcoming the students of G14--Spring 2001. I hope this forum will serve two purposes. First, to allow you to express your thoughts regarding our course topics and to react to the comments of fellow class members. Second, to gain experience in professional networking on an electronic board. The instructions for participating in this forum are located here:http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy14/g14forum.htmlDr. James, Instructor of Psychology 409a, 409b, 459.
MsLacey 02/20/01 8:22 AM RE: Blind (?) Drivers!!
In several southern cities he traditonal cross walk has been replaced by the all cross theory. All traffic stops and people can cross the intersection diagonaly, straight, two corners at a time, what ever. It has really reduced in the type of right hand turn accidents you are talkning about.
Number11BUS 01/27/01 1:24 PM RE: Blind (?) Drivers!!
Hi Daniel (1978 1.12.01), I often wonder if the drivers are blind or have a mind-set of wearing "blinders" like the horses in traffic years ago. It is as if drivers have a special thought process that tells them they have more right to the same space I have to occupy. I am legally blind and have difficulty negotiating traffic. I took special training to enhance my safety by paying closer attention to my surroundings. Well, I'm more trained, however, the drivers I share the crosswalks, driveways, parkinglots and roadways with don't seem to be. I get very angry some time and only very disappointed in my fellow-human most times. Because I pay close attention, I have not been injured (yet). Because drivers don't pay close attention I carry a level of fear most of the time I'm in traffic areas. Hypersensitivity? You bet. I don't step off a curb until I am sure I'm the only one using that space. Sometimes it causes me to loose the whole light cycle and have to wait for the next one. Education to drivers to share the road. I would have thought Hawaii could maintain that 'share the road' ALOHA, but alas, I have experienced the decline of ALOHA on the road in the last 25 years. Even when you have the right-of-way, first of all, be safe Danie1978. Regards,Number11BUS
mightymousesa 01/18/01 8:16 PM RE: Blind (?) Drivers!!
I know what you mean. I have had to walk, bike, ride a motorcycle and drive during my stay here in Hawaii, and you are right it's not safe. I was run over on the lower campus road crosswalk last semester while on my bike and the driver only asked me if her car was hurt, then just said a quick I'm sorry and drovew off never asking if I was alright. I was sprained and brused for 2 weeks. This time last year a girl was run over and died in Waikiki in between Local Motion and Tony Roma's. Everyone is aggressive in their modes of travel, but we need to be aware that the damage an aggressive driver can make is more devastating than an aggressive pedestrian!!
DrDriving (Community Owner) 01/14/01 3:14 PM RE: Blind (?) Drivers!!
Hi Daniel1978,You need to provide details on how you rant and rave. Read what I replied to snowhawaii, Landlord Rage Thread.Aloha,Dr.James
Daniel1978 01/12/01 10:28 AM Blind (?) Drivers!!
First off, Hello. My name is Daniel and I get around using one of three ways: On foot, by bicycle, on the bus. Being a non-driver most people would think that I don't feel road rage. Well, I DO!! Maybe it's because I've got agressive personality.My rant for today is about cars making right turns on red lights. The concept itself is great, no cars, no pedestriasns, why wait at a red light for no reason? Unfortunatley, it does not always work like that. I've been hit (Several times) by cars making right turns while I had the right of way (Walk sign)
Number11BUS 01/29/01 8:52 PM RE: landlord rage
Hi Snowhawaii,Ants and landlords, or ants without landlords--both are a bother. I do live in my own home and can't blame any landlord. My house is clean, too! But I was invaded by black ants. I do mean invaded. Oh, they had gotten into the kitchen through the window before and I has sprayed them away. I washed the walls and kept the oil and sugar wiped away and the sink clear of dishes. But, I found out there were different kinds of ants in Hawaii as I had never experienced in any other local. The black ones are only really interested in water source and a quiet dark place to lay and tend the eggs. One week before my step daughter was to visit with her friend I opened the living room cabinet and found, in the video collection (300 videos) a nest of ants that would not quit. They had come in from outside on the cable for the TV and used the cable to cross over to the cabinet and enter. There, with lots of dark, cosey, video cassets to choose from, the invasion began. Now just what was I to do? I pulled an "unfavorite" copy out and sprayed it with a bug killer. Ooops! Now they were dead, but still in the video casset. I was angry enough to spit nails! I had to toss the video casset into the trash--ruinted, not hope for it. Now just what was I going to do with the other 299 tapes???? Desperate, I laid them out on the carpet in the living room without the cardbord cases. It covered the whole floor. No room to walk. I secured the cable to not touch the cabinet with twist-ties and washed out the inside of the cabinet for the stray bodies and babies. I fell like a murderer, but they were MY videos! Then I noticed the ants were making a trail across the carpet away from the videos. By golly, they were angry too. They wanted a dark place and I had interupted that. It was the best feeling to see them marching off. The corner of the tape cases were still dark though. I tapped the cases and watched them scurry. It felt really good. Now I had the answer, tap, tap, tap, watch them leave. Only 7 days to visitor day. Well, to end the story quickly, the full 7 days was spent tapping and monitoring and then all the ants were finally gone. The drought had caused them to come in out of the heat, the water in the houseplants has given them all they needed to live indoors with MY videos. I had almost ruined the collection by reaching for the bug spray. Now, I got the rhythum. They want dark secure places...I would interupt the dark and the security with my tapping. They left. I put the videos in another cabinet away from ANY walls or cables. I won!! Now I just have to figure out how to get the tiny red ants that sting from coming home in the grocer's onions. Persistence. I put them in the refrigerator and they all died of exposure. Presented with a problem, be observant, be patient, be persistent. It works with ants, it should work with landlords (in a way). Maybe they will go away too?
silverfox2001 01/16/01 9:38 PM RE: landlord rage
Hi, snowhawaii like you this is my first time participating in a forum like this on the Web. But I find it interesting that I have the same problem like you about landlord. I too, have an ant problem toppled with floor boards coming up all over my apartment and it is driving me crazzzzzzy that the landlord is taking his sweet time in answering letters or setting an appointment to come and look at his property. I have gotten to the point of taking pictures of all the ants and floor boards destroying the place I live in, that I definitely feel tenants like us are driven to rage against landlords for slow to responding to tenants needs and hygeine problems!
DrDriving (Community Owner) 01/15/01 11:42 AM RE: landlord rage
An additional point:It's useful to examine the logic of our expectations. In this case Snowhawaii is shocked that the landlord refuses to be responsible for ants. Well, how else could it be? Is it even possible for the landlord to control ants? How? Ants come and go looking for food. I've been trying to control them for years and I can't make them stop from coming in from outside. So my technique has been to keep all food and crumbs clean and away from counters, dirty plates, etc. Even candy wrappers in the baskets--they go after everything.Another thing I can mention is that I feel guilty killing ants when it's my fault and I left food that attracts them. They are very eager to go after the orange juice drops or the white of egg left in the dish or sink and counter. But sometimes it's not my doing, like when they clean up after a dead bug.aloha,Dr.James
DrDriving (Community Owner) 01/14/01 3:11 PM RE: landlord rage
To :SnowhawaiiFirst, about the ants: I control them by spraying their trail with a spray bottle containing water and a little Peppermint Pure Castile Soap (from the supermarket), which is very effective and not toxic.Second, about your rage: Perhaps you can give more details. If you read the Forum Discussions instructions, it says that you need to discuss your feelings, thoughts, and acts or words or the affective, cognitive, and sensorimotor domains.For example, I was at the supermarket yesterday and experience shopping cart rage. I saw this man in one of the isles and he was standing by the soup cans talking on a cell phone. So I waited for him to move so I can get to the shelves. But he kept on talking and ignoring me waiting there. So I felt irritated and little explosions of emotions and my mind was screaming at him silently, Move man, move out of my way. I even fantasized pushing his cart a little so he would get the idea. But I also felt guilty for being so impatient. Finally he moved but I was upset for several minutes. I kept asking myself Why can't people be more aware? Why am I so impatient?See what I mean, Snowhawaii? I give details about thoughts and feelings so people reading this can have an accurate picture of the situation. This is what I call self-witnessing.Aloha,Dr. James
snowhawaii 01/13/01 12:33 AM landlord rage
Hi, this is my first time to participate the forum on the Web.When I found out I have to use computer a lot for this class, I got nervous because I don't much about computer.However my new year resolution is "no more procrastination", so I've decided to come to visit this site.As my title shows, I'm really upset at the landlord of my room. When I moved in this room on last Sunday, I found out there are so many aunts in this room. The room wasn't cleaned up at all, so there might be some food.I killed more than 20aunts that day, and next day there were another aunts crawling up the wall. I called to the landlord and claimed about aunts.Guess what he said? He came to my room, and said, "I cannot control ants. You have to control about your own room."I got mad because I just moved in and didn't leave any food or anything. He's the one who is responsible for hygiene.Now, my day starts by spray insecticide in the room.
silverfox2001 01/31/01 7:17 PM RE: Parking Rage
Nice going, I am so glad there are people that will think about others when it comes to parking. I hope my community will be able to work something out, because now we are going to the board of directors to straighten out the parking mess we have in our gated community. Maybe, in the near future I will have something to report.
Number11BUS 01/29/01 8:27 PM RE: Parking Rage
Skyblue,Our neighborhood has families with several generations living in the same house. Parking is at a premium. EG:My neighbor on one side has 7 vehicles. We have all carefully worked out the parking problem as a community. We keep our vehicles in/on our property or driveways/garages/carports. Then the Mayor gave us new rubbish cans that get picked up by the automated trucks. What a mess! Now there is a mad scramble to clear the curb-side two days a week so the automated truck can access the rubbish containers. Now, more cars are parked in yards, side-yards, in neighbor's driveways. But, we are coping. A commuter society and ohana living--we just try harder to sort it all out. (Thanks Mayor?)
skyblue 01/26/01 4:24 PM RE: Parking Rage
YES! I can relate to some of your experiences with parking my economy-size car at home. The street I live on in my residential community don't have any parking borders, barely there sidewalks containing grass, and about half of the homes have garages. The people residing in this community knows one another by their names and faces. Our family has an open two-car garage and a grassy area that can fit another vehicle on the side of our house. When I come home, I usually park the car on the partially filled grass/pavement area. My parking rage usually begins when I turn the corner to find young children playing on the area where I usually park my car. What makes me more upset is when they ride their bicycles in our garage. So I have to remain calm by looking at them and using my turn signal to show them where I plan to park. In the past, we've put up a chain to prevent the children from playing in the garage. This approach didn't work because they would climb over the chain and act as if they lived there. I get more irritated when other people choose to park in our garage/grass area without first asking us permission to park their automobile. These people are usually visitors coming to see our neighbors. Several times, a huge and unfamiliar 4 by 4 truck was parked diagonally on the grass, so this person wouldn't block our garage entrance. Another time, a guy with a huge truck parked way to the side of our garage partially blocking the entrance to one of our stalls. I realize this usually happens when no one is home at our house. Some of the visitors also park their vehicle on the street which takes up half of the area. If I'm turning onto my street and another vehicle is driving in the opposite direction, I have to wait until the driver passes by so my car will fit in the lane. I agree that some drivers haven't learned to parallel park correctly. Unfortunately, some drivers don't care/show consideration for parking in other peoples property. Some people also think that they own the road! Yet, others haven't found a creative solution to parallel park their automobile without considering the impact that property and distance creates.
silverfox2001 01/16/01 10:34 PM Parking Rage
Have you ever had to deal with people who don't know how to park a vehicle? Have you ever had to deal with people parking on your side of the line and have no inclination that they are over the parking line? Everyday of the week, I have to fight for a parking space in my neighborhood, because I cannot park in my assign stall due to people not watching out for their children that play in the parking area and the damages their children put on peoples cars by playing ball, riding scooters and bikes. Just for fun, peoples children take objects and scratch the paint job on your car in the parking area. I have resided to parking in a larger parking lot due to the lack of parents escorting their children to the playground in my neighborhood. On any typical day, I can come home into our gated community and find cars that are not park in an orderly way. For example, if you park on the left side of the street all the cars should be facing left. However, in my community this is not the case. On any given day, we have cars parked opposite ways, not within the lines of the parking structure, parking sideways taking up to three car stalls to park their automobiles and when they do parallel park it is up to 1/2 car length away from the next vehicle so if you are trying to park a big truck like mines and all the cars are parked 1/2 car length away from each other, you begin to rage little by little until you just want to have that vehicle towed away. Once I find my parking space in this mad house of parking my rage start to subside until the next time I have to go out again. Then, it begins all over again about the way people park. The aftermath of it all is that I don't feel like moving my truck in fear that I will have to race around our community looking for a parking space again. My psychological explaination for all this is that either these people have never learned to parallel park or they just so afraid of people parking next to them that they leave big gaps in between them and the next car, that I have begun to rethink is it worth having a vehicle?
sakodash 01/19/01 6:36 PM RE: Morning Rage
Hi!! After reading your message I just had to laugh to myself because I've had one too many mornings exactly like that. I too also feel that once you've had a morning like that, the rest of the day just doesn't look too great. I'd love to say that the stupid alarm just didn't go off but I know that a lot of times that this happens I forget to set the alarm to the correct time or I just shut it off without even realizing it. The most chaos time was when I just set the alarm for the wrong time on the first day I was to start my job teaching a bunch of second graders.
PHYRE2001 01/18/01 1:09 PM Morning Rage
Have you ever woke up in the morning, glanced at the alarm clock, to only realize that the damn thing did not go off and your an hour late for work!! You rush around the house trying to get everything in order to only get more frustrated when nothing seems to be working with you. Well, this happened to me once again this past weekend, before work. I had jumped out of bed and realized that I was an hour late for work. I ran around the house like a chicken without a head, and nothing seemed to be going my way. Everything that could have made me more late for work than I already was, was actually making me late for work. The water heater did not seem to be working, so I had to take a cold shower, the iron was broken, so I had wrinkled clothes, and to top it all off, my girlfriend forgot to feed the cats so they were following me around the entire house, just getting inmy way. Finally I get myself to work, and the words that you have dreaded all the way up to that precise moment, are spoken by your supervisor,"Why are you late?" Like the answer really matters, and that by some miracle you really do have some legitimate excuse, time stands still for no one, and your still an hour late. You look at your supervisor, well in my case, make a grunting noise and proceed to punch in for work. You just dread the rest of the work day, knowing that it will be bad because it just started off wrong. And to your luck, it does!!My psychological explanation for this type of rage is that you end up setting yourself up. It happens like an avalanche, just gaining more and more speed until it is rolling down the mountain faster than you can handle. You know that your late, so you have all this anxiety rushing through your body, that when you do get to work,you still feel rushed. And, the entire way to work, you know your supervisor will ask you why you're late, and you just don't want to be reminded that once again, your alarm clock let you down, or you forgot to set it correctly.
PHYRE2001 01/18/01 1:33 PM Supervisor Rage on YOU
I think of myself as a fairly aggressive person. I feel that I have the right to get angry at someone for getting angry at me. I feel that if someone proceeds to do ignorant things, then I have the right to feel annoyed. However, I must admit that I am probably the person who usually gets upset first, giving anyone who shares my mentality the right to also get upset.Well, in this situation I was the one who stayed calm on the outside, but was exploding on the inside. I recently started a new job about two weeks ago, and am still getting the feel of how the system works. The other day was one of the first times I had met my manager, because she was on vacation when I was hired. My immediate supervisors were usually the ones that I had gone to whenever I encountered a problem and could not figure it out. On this particular day though, my supervisors were extremely busy, and I felt really bad going to them with all these problems, so I proceeded to ask the manager. All she does is sit on the back desk starring at a computer. During the entire eight hour shift I saw her only get up to go out to lunch. Periodically through out the day I would ask her questions concerning my tasks, and would always get a brushed off response as if I was bothering her. Finally at the end of the day, I had one last problem, which could be fixed with one push of a button, but it needed to be done on a supervisor's computer. When I had asked her to fix it for me, she started yelling at me and giving me attitude. She claims that I should have asked one of the other supervisor, which at the time were extremely busy. I just smiled, walked away, and went to another supervisor. Inside though, I was boiling up with disguist. I wanted to tell that fat woman to get off her chair before she broke it and help out her damn employees. I felt really disguisted by the fact that she could not even help me out. The job is a continuous learning process, and everyday you learn new things. So whenever employees come across a situation they have never handled before, they would ask a supervisor. I wanted to tell my manger off. I went home complaining to my girlfriend the entire way. My psychological explanation for this is that it is not my fault!! Maybe my manager had a bad day, or maybe she feels that you should figure things out for yourself. But if you cannot help your employees, then maybe a manager job is not right for you.
MadHatter808 01/22/01 4:09 PM RE: money and parents
Hmm, I understand a little of what you're going through. I'm also trying to fund my own education though it's through loans from my mom rather than a bank (as well as through part-time work). I plan to fund grad school entirely through student loans in the future as well. Citibank offers a Citiassist loan for any student who's looking to pay for their education of up to $175,000 (that may be the upper limit for a four year degree program but I think the limits go up if you're pursuing medicine or other grad programs). Through all of the headaches concerning making ends meet, however, I feel that I have grown to be more independent and financially responsible ( thoughI am still trying to work on the latter through better budgeting). It seems that with all you've been through, you are going to make it even if it means pulling the purse strings a little tighter. Your dad, while he is your dad, is trying to teach you a hard lesson, no doubt, and I think by your example, you are proving yourself through and through and will still accomplish what you need to in the end. There is more than one way to catch a fish! Good luck! :)
purple848 01/21/01 7:18 PM RE: money and parents
You have a talent for sport, and your extra hard effort pays your tuition. Very few people can do that, and I respect you. I think your parents are trying to tell you a value of money, such as how hard it is to earn. And we need to appreciate money because we need it sometimes (not all the time) to achieve things we need in our lives, and education is one of them. Of course, you already know that while your friends of your age do not know yet. I am sure you will hand down the value of money to your own children as your wonderful and decent parents did to you. I really respect your strong will to be independent, and putting your will into action.
mightymousesa 01/18/01 8:04 PM money and parents
I'm new at this forum thing so bare with me here. The idea is to discuss rage, right. And our group is looking at rage in the workplace, right? Well, I am a student athlete. My job is my sport and it is my sport that pays my tuition, and my student loans, of a little more than 2,000 I might add, pay for my entire existence out here in Hawaii. I have always prided myself on making my way through college with little to no financial help from my parents. But this semester I have research I am doing around the island and my expenses in transportation are going to go up. So I finally broke down and called my father to ask him if he could help me out if I get financially strapped towards the end of the semester. Needless to say I got a lecture on budgeting rather than a "I understand". Now this is not a poor pitiful me story, but it is a rage story. I don't understand how some college kids get by spending daddy's money like water for the six years it takes them to get through undergrad and I can't get help during the final semester of my senior year!!!! The reason I only get a little over 2,000 dollars in loans is because my parents make so much money that I can't qualify for loans cause I am still a dependent. AAAAGGGHHH!!! FRUSTRATION IS WHAT I AM FEELING. College is my workplace, my sport is my job, but with little money to live on, I'll be bringing more stress into the workplace if you know what I mean.
charisseo 01/22/01 3:05 PM RE: Traffic Accident (almost)
i can definately relate to your almost traffic accident. while driving i try to be aware of my enviroment in hopes of not gettting into a car accident. in my "almost" traffic accident experience, i felt a sudden rush of anger. i can not expain the actual feel, but it is almost as if i am literaly look for someone to blame. this blame is directed toward the other indivual in the other car. in a situation where a traffic accident almost occurs and it is the other party who is at fault it is easy, especially for me, to first get angry and vent it through my driving.
DrDriving (Community Owner) 01/20/01 9:12 AM RE: Traffic Accident (almost)
This is a case of parking rage. Question: How did you beep your horn? There are various ways, long-short, loud-soft. And when did you beep? While she was moving towards you or away--this also makes a difference.Also, what was the expression on your face? I recommend we smile and wave in such situations. This allows you to retain control of the situation. If you show anything else, you lose control since you don't know how the other will react.Dr.James
carlisle 01/18/01 8:20 PM Traffic Accident (almost)
Hello there people. Have any of you guys been close to being in a reck, and in your mind it was the other drivers fault? Have you guys experienced rage in this situation and then have the other driver turn their rage on you? Well, it happened to me. I was going home on nimitz hwy, near Dole Cannery. When, this women pulls out of Zippy's into the left lane that was next to me, kind of quickly. So in a fast response I beeped my horn at her. She did turn into my lane alittle.Being scared by the fact that she did almost hit me, I wanted to cus her out and stick my middle finger. But, the fastest response that I did was beeping the horn. And in turn she stuck her finger at me, and yelled at me through her window. She passed words, but I did not say anything. Usually I would but, what was the sense.If I responded back to her I think we would of gotten into a reck with another car. I just thought that it wasn't worth getting in a car accident over something so peity. I suppose the motivation behind me beeping the horn at her was, not wanting to hit, you know that feeling of being scared or anxious. My heart did beat fast, and I did feel kind of panicy. The motivation of being scared turned into rage. Does that make any sense.
meow24 01/18/01 10:40 PM road rage
just a friendly reminder- this is my first time participating in the forum discussion~I was driving home from school yesterday and I got really frustrated and mad.It was afternoon and as usual, I was stuck for some time to get out of the parking structure before I got to this intersection (sowie I forgot the names of the streets there.. I'm really bad at memorizing street names) where there I had to stop. Only the cars coming out from the highway had the previlege of not stoping there. There were three stop signs including where I was waiting for the traffic to clear up. Finally when the previlege lane was filled up, three drivers(two others and myself) who were waiting for it to happen got ready to go. Then a stupid car came out from highway and blocked the middle of the street so none of the three cars could move. This airhead couldn't leave a room to let other cars drive by. His lane wasn't moving because they were caught by the red traffic light and I got really pissed off. Three drivers from three different directions moved in closer to the airhead(please bear w/ me. I'm still mad at this person)'s vehicle, but none of us were able to cross the intersection. When the cars finally started to move, a driver from the other stop sign gave me a sign to go first. So I wave my hand saying thank you and then moved my car closer to the airhead and honked at him and gave him a look(I tend to do this alot when I'm mad). Too bad he wasn't looking!I was so mad at this guy that I couldn't calm myself way to home and it resulted aggressive(meaning fast) driving.I don't understand why he couldn't leave some space between his car and car in front of him. It wasn't like three cars in the stop signs were gonna get into his lane. We were all going to different directions and wouldn't have even delay his trip. Why couldn't he let other cars go by while waiting for the traffic light to turn green? Thanks to him three other drivers also had to wait longer and got mad at him.One thing I learned from this is that I should always let cars pass by and not block the intersection while getting stuck in the traffic. I'm usually careful about these things and always try to leave enough space for other cars to pass by, but now I know this is a must to do.
sakodash 01/19/01 6:19 PM Bookstore rage
I hope I'm doing this right... :)I'm taking this one class at night that for some reason or another, the bookstore doesn't have enough books for. On their computer they had six still in the store (or so it said) but yet NO ONE could find the books anywhere. So, myself and two other classmates special ordered books on the first day of school. We were told that we would get a call. Well, it's two weeks into the semester already and we've bascially been desperately trying to get our hands on this book. Finally, yesterday I called the the bookstore to ask them what's the status on this book. The girl tells me, "Oh, we have nine on the shelf." I was just like WHAT!! I then started complaining about how come nobody even bothered to give any of us a call to let us know that the books had come in 3 DAYS AGO!! I was so angry after hanging up the phone with this girl. But then I started thinking that this girl probably had nothing to do with any of this and it was more the fact that she just sounded so happy and cheery while here I was just having an absolutely terrible day. I blamed the fact that I had to catch up on something like 200 pages on this innocent girl when I could've just gotten my books a little earlier. Ironically, my other classmate had left me a message only about five minutes after I called the bookstore telling me she just called them too and ended up chewing them out for not calling us.
virtual-b 01/20/01 11:43 AM drdriving's website
the website albeit informative is very overwhelming. wading through all the links can be frustrating. especially for a student who relies on computer labs on campus to his or her work because time there is very limited. --- On the topic of road rage, I just encountered an incidence of aggressive driving today. I live in Kalihi, which is currently in the news because of the elderly victims trying to cross King street. The Department of Transportation just put in a new cross walk this week. However, I still saw a driver beep his horn at a pedestrian just because the lady was still in the cross walk when the light turned green. It reminds me of that "drive alive" commercial. Waiting a few seconds would not hurt drivers, but for some innate reason we always want to be at our destination right now instead of a bit later.
sakodash 01/23/01 12:48 AM RE: library rage
I hate when that happens!! I hardly ever study in the library anymore because I remember one semester during finals time I was in Hamilton library late at night. I was sitting on these couches with all my books and papers spread all around me only because nobody besides my friend was even near us. Then all of a sudden a whole bunch of people came and sat down all around me talking to each other not using their "quiet voice." After listening to them talk I found out they were from the mainland visiting Hawaii. For that fifteen minutes my friend and I kept staring at them with that annoyed look on our faces which we thought they'd understand. I guess they were just oblivious to the fact they were in a library. Finally my friend and I went to the bathroom just leaving all our books there. When we got back not only were there more of them but some were sitting where we were and one had even moved my bag from the seat I had saved for myself! I just lost it then!! I was like this is a library, people are trying to study, can you guys leave if you're just going to talk. They gave me this look like what did I do wrong as if they didn't know why I was so pissed off. I know I could have just moved but I refused to lug all my books to another floor where it's freezing cold just to get away from these irritating, insensitive people. Sorry it was so long!! I got mad just thinking about this all over again...it happened like three years ago!! :) Thanks for sharing that, I thought I was the only one getting pissed off at people in the library. I guess I just don't know how to ignore people and tune them out.
snowhawaii 01/20/01 3:02 PM library rage
Shocks! I've finished typing this, and clicked on post not ralizing internet was cutting off. So all I just wrote was dissapeared. Here I go again.Since I'm taking this course and get a chance to think about my rage, I realized how easily I can get upset, or angry sometimes.The other day, I was studying at library as usual. I had a seat which nobody was sitting around, and started reading assignment. But shortly after two girls came and had seats right behind me. As you can guess, they started talking. Of course it disturbed me. They opened the book, and looked reday for study. But they never started studying, instead, kept talking.I gave them glance a couple of times. It's the sign tells "you guys are disturning me! Be quiet!" One of them saw me. However she didn't stop talking. She was supposed to tell her friend, "we're disturbing other people. We should stop talking." But it never happened.I got upset because they ignored me despite they realized they're interrupting me. I still waited till they stop talking. However they kept talking and talking. I tried to calm down, but my anger hightened and I was really frastrated because I already wasted more than half an hour because of them.Finally I slammed the book expressing my anger, and moved to another seat. I still could hear they talk.I was mad, but after a while I questioned myself. Maybe I could tell them to stop talking or to talk outside. If I chose the nice way of talk, I wouldn't make them feel bad and they would understand. Or maybe I could move to another seat immediately, and I didn't have to waste time by being upset. I also distrbed another people by slamming the book.Once I thought this way, I felt bad. I admit I didn't have enough courage to tell them to be quiet.
Daniel1978 01/23/01 5:46 PM RE: walmart
YES!!! I feel your pain!! I've got a little sister who's four years old. She does not use a stroller anymore, but she's still too young to walk on busy streets without holding my hand. While walking down the side walk with her, people never seem to move. I mean, we don't take up the whole side walk, just the right side of it! Why do people feel the need to plow down the middle of the side walk? Is it because they are bigger than she is? I doubt it... This situation usually leaves me feeling angry. I usually dismiss it laughing about sidewalk rage. I actually hit some one in France who stepped on her in an empty sidewalk. I don't know what the psychological explanation for this type of incident. They may not care, or had a bad day at work, or unaware of the world. I don't know, I just wish people would be more considerate
shaun56 01/22/01 12:03 AM RE: walmart
Hey!! I know exactly what you went through. Almost every week, my girlfriend and I go to visit the Mililani Wal-Mart. Wwe do a lot of shopping there due to the roll back prices. Anyways, anyone who has been to wal-mart knows that it is a zoo 24-7 there, and your due to run into cart traffic jams. Evertime we go there we have to weave in and out of people just to get around. I get a little pissed at how people have so much curteousness to park their carts in the middle of the aisle when they are checking an item out. It's kind of funny though because you never notice when you do it yourself!?!? Thats how it goes I guess, but we should start to realize that we do the exact things that piss ourselves off huh! Later...........
Dahlin 01/20/01 5:00 PM walmart
Today, my mother, infant daughter and I went to Walmart. We were in a rush and just stopped in to buy a birthday present. I was pushing my daughter in her stoller which requires a little extra room to move about. Everyone seemed to be totally indifferent to my special need for extra room. Whether it was in the aisle or between the racks of merchandise. I felt like ramming those people with Isabella's stroller. I felt like yelling "Get out of my way, don't you see I have a baby to get through!" In the end a merely asked each person politely "excuse me" and after they moved I thanked them. My iritation did not last long. By the time my mother and I were in line I was not bothered by my seemingly inconsiderate fellow shoppers any longer.
MsLacey 02/20/01 8:26 AM RE: Dorm mate rage
Remember, her poor planing does not constitute an emergancy on your part. If she needed to do laundry for work she sould have done it earlier.
carlisle 01/23/01 6:59 PM RE: Dorm mate rage
I empathize with what you are feeling. I roomed with my bestfriend from high school, and we both thought that we would be able to get along. But, boy were we wrong. I am a neat freak, and she wasn't. Well, everytime I would clean up the dormroom she would come home and mess it up again. The things that ran through my head like, "god what is she a fat slob," "does she not have a considerations for me."I would ignore her the whole night, and sometimes for a couple of days. That is how bad it got. We wanted to kill eachother at the end of the year. We survived but, our friendship didn't. I have one advice for you, rooming with best friends could be a blast because you guys have so much in common. but, those things that you have in common can tear you guys apart. It happened to me and it happened to some of my other friends. This may not be you though.
PHYRE2001 01/23/01 10:13 AM RE: Dorm mate rage
I totally understand and agree with what is being said about roomates. I don't understand them, and I am not about to take the time out to understand them. I think that when you live with someone for awhile, considerations for their feelings no longer exists. This use to happen with my roomate before I kicked her out. She was selfish, being able to use all of your things, but when it came to borrowing something of hers, it all of a sudden became an inconvienience. She would complain about the house being messy, but she would never clean up after herself. I really hope she did not think that I would clean up after her. I think that in your situation, your roomate should have handled the situation better. She could have nicely asked you if she could use the dryer since you were already in use. Or she could have avoided the entire problem by saying to hell with the rules and dry her clothes at midnight, when you were done. All in all, I think you had the right to feel a little rage!!
MadHatter808 01/22/01 4:19 PM RE: Dorm mate rage
It is sad that we can't all just get along... I feel sorry for you and am glad you were able to tolerate what happened and not blow up at her. I like what one of the respondents said about your email, namely, that because you know you have to live with this person, it's best to try to get along. There was also the suggestion of compromise which I believe is the key here. Being able to suggest ways to better live with each other in harmony would help the both of you and perhaps future roomates from encountering harmful conflicts. I think everyone deserves that and can work toward it. Maybe you all can hold a meeting and decide on what's "fair use" of the washer and dryer and post the hours in the laundry room to remind everyone. I hope things get better! :)
mightymousesa 01/22/01 2:53 PM RE: Dorm mate rage
Believe me, this problem is not restricted to the dormitories and roomates like yours. I live in an appartment in Waikiki and we have a set of coin laundry washers and dryers on the main floor. It never fails that every time I do my laundry someone pulls it out before it is finished.Part of this is my fault because I don't sit in the laundry room the entire time my wash is running, but I still hate it that someone thinks that they are entitled to remove my personal property before my time is up. So finally last week I got sneaky and did my laundry like normal. I sat and watched the dryer ready for anyone to dare and take it out. Everything was going fine until I had to go to the restroom located beside the laundry room. As I came out I witnessed a fat old woman taking my clothes out of the dryer and tossing them on the floor. I could not believe it. I just stood there with my jaw open. But with all the rage I was feeling I couldn't say anything, I was speechless. She tossed her clothes in and pushed by me like I wasn't even there. Not only did I feel major Rage!! but also like a big loser for not saying something!!!
silverfox2001 01/22/01 9:35 AM RE: Dorm mate rage
I can really understand the rage you are feeling when it is your turn to use the washing facilities. I know what it is like to have room mates that are in considerate of your time and effort in trying to get your things done. I feel she should have consider the fact that this is dorm and whether she likes it or not you were there first. She owes you an apology for her actions of rage and if she knew that she needed her clothes for work the next day, she should have allowed herself allotted time for it to be washed and dried. Or she could have considered washing it by hand and hanging it up to be line dry.Just a suggestion:Maybe all your dorm mate can designate a day for washing clothes so this kind of incident will not happen again.
snowhawaii 01/21/01 9:40 AM RE: Dorm mate rage
I really can understand your rage at your dorm mate.I had troubles with my roommate before too.It's difficult to live with somebody in a same house except your family or close friends.In your case, I think your dorm mate is selfish.Once you let her do whatever she wants, she won't realize how selfish she is. As you said, the things are to be shared, so she should understand that first. She could ask you politely if she can use the drier first because she is in hurry. In that case, you would readily give it to her, and both of you didn't have to be upset.If you talk nicely especially when the oponent is upset, thing goes smoothly. By doing so, she can be cool down. The worst case is when both sides got mad. You have to face the person again as long as you live together. So just try to think this way. Actually I have to try this too. You know, it's easy to tell somebody, but it's hard to put the idea in practice.
purple848 01/21/01 4:49 AM Dorm mate rage
It was last week that after I put my laundry in the driyer, one of my dorm mates came after me. She told me angrily to remove my clothes from the drier because she was going to use it first. She said loudly that she needed to dry her clothes to wear the next day for work. I got very upset. I didn't tell her, but I said in my mind, "Who the heck you think you are?" "What about my money I already put in the machine?" and "The washing machine and the drier are for all of us to share, not yours." But I remembered our dorm rule that we cannot do our laundries after 10:30pm, and it was already 10pm then. I realized that it could be her last chance for the day to do her laundry, so I told her that I would collect my clothes, even though I was still in a fume. I tried not to show my anger to prevent having an argument with her. Then I went to the drier and saw it had already been stopped by her. I got really upset because it means she didn't give me a choice! It was hard to calm down my heart beating so fast by anger. Living with other people in the same place can be a pain in the neck when things like this happen sometimes.
ddestrad 01/25/01 5:14 PM RE: slow driver rage
In response to slow driver rage, I can definitely relate to that. I think that slow driving is just as inconsiderate and dangerous as someone weaving in and out of cars. When a line of cars are driving at the same speed, hypothetically we'll say the exact speed limit, and everyone is going with the flow of traffic, it is really dangerous to approach a car going slower then the legal limit, it endangers the drivers and puts everyone in a state of annoyance and anger, exspecially if it is a one lane road and you can't pass them. I think if a person doesn't feel comfortable to drive the speed limit or to be on a main road that they should pull off to allow the other people to pass instead of making it harder on everyone else. I get really furious driving behind those kind of people, I find that tailgating doesn't always work out, a lot of people i know tailgate people and try to get them to speed up or they flash their highbeams and honk their horn. I think that is going a little to far but they should also be considerate of others.
shaun56 01/21/01 11:54 PM slow driver rage
Yesterday I had a lot of errands to run before my soccer game. I had a bunch of things to do that had built up from the previous week; therefore, I had a bit of stress built up along with it. Anyways, I was going to pick up food for our potluck after the game, when I found myself stuck behind a slow driver. I was on a two-laned road and it just so happened to be occupied with two slow drivers in front of me. I was already running late, and I was definitely not in the best of moods. These two drivers were going 10 mph below the posted speed limit, which was 45. In my head, I was thinking that they were doing this on purpose, but I really knew that they weren't. I had a bit of rage, and wanted to act upon it, but chose not to. Instead, I took a few deep breaths, and told myself to reeeeeeeeelax!! It also helped me to relax just knowing that the only person who made me run late was myself. That was obvious from my late awakening! That's that and that's past!
shaun56 01/22/01 6:47 PM RE: Maximum Over Drive
Hey I've got to tell you some things that have been blowing my mind lately. I've noticed that (in my point of view) most of us have probably not thought about any of rage madness until we ran into this class. As for me, I knew I had ran into rage on the road, but I never realized that it occured almost everyday (under close supervision that is). Wow, a singles stimulus (this class), can sure control the way one thinks huh! I can't believe that us humans have so much rage contained in us, it's unbelievable. Anyways, on your exerpt, I see that kind of stuff happening almost everyday. It's so crazy to watch it through different eyes now huh! I think it is actually cool to monitor ourselves as well as others. Well, just wanted to share my thoughts with a silverfox!!!! Later gator!
silverfox2001 01/22/01 9:58 AM Maximum Over Drive
Yesterday, was the day for people to go into accerleration of maximum over drive. I saw more cars speeding and getting into near accidents then any other day of the week. It seem as though they were in such of a hurry to get just a few miles down the road. One example, was on the way to Pearl Ridge, the driver of a BMW was in the right hand lane and trying to cut over to the left hand lane so he could pass the car in front of him. Because the driver in the front of him made a sudden stop, he started swearing and beeping his horn and went into a rage that he decided to follow the driver into the parking lot of Anna Millers, where both of them got heated under the collar and started to mouth off at each other. The both of them got into their cars and sped out of the parking lot into on coming traffic.After witnessing this type of road rage, I felt nothing was solved except now we have to angry drivers on the road. The psychological point is that it could have been avoided if the guy in front of the BMW had his blinkers on before turning into the parking lot and the BMW driver was not in the mood of speeding up, slowing down and looked for ample time to change lanes. All this confrontation could have been avoided and we would not have to angry drivers on the road.
ktootree 01/25/01 8:25 PM RE: public telephone rage
I feel your pain…or should I say rage. I have been in several similar situations and it gets me upset too. You would think that when the person using the “public” telephone sees a line of people waiting to use the “public” phone, that they would end their call as soon as possible, but I guess for some people, they weren’t raised with manners. Those kinds of people need to have consideration and perhaps put him/herself in your shoes to discover how it feels to be on the “forever waiting” end. By the way, did you react in any way? How was your body language? Did your facial expression show any rage?
Watashi_No 01/22/01 6:45 PM RE: public telephone rage
I remember when I experienced telephone rage. I was in highschool and I had to use the telephone. School had just let out and I was wondering where my ride was so I could go home early, if he would be later than usual to pick me up that day. So one of the few working public telephones in the school was being used by another student and the telephone next to it was broken. I just waited thinking that she wouldn't be talking too long, and I knew she saw that I was waiting to use the phone. Five minutes went by, then ten minutes, I was getting frustrated because I knew she saw me and she still would not get off the phone. I guess I wasn't thinking straight because I could have gone into the office to use the phone after five minutes, but instead I waited. Needless to say I told her off and walked into the office and used their phone.
charisseo 01/22/01 2:56 PM public telephone rage
While at Ala Moana over the weekend I experienced a kind of rage I did not know exsisted, public telephone rage. With my cell phone battery dead I had to wait in line to use the public telephone in front of the center stage. With four working phones I did not think that the line for to use the phone would be to long, I was wrong. The four people who were using the phone all were clearly aware of the four people waiting in line to use the phone. Yet each phone user took their time and on the phone. It took me a total of aproximently ten minutes for me to finally use the phone. throught this experience i was reminded of how inconsiderate people could be to other people.
leis 01/28/01 9:49 PM RE: making ends meet
I can also understand your frustration. Having materials and money sometimes make us feel fantastic, don't they? Having a certain amount of money make us help in such a capital society. And they make your family and friends might be proud of you. However, I think primarily important thing is that you become satisfied with yourself. Then, you might be able to make others happy. If having money make you do so, I recommend to find a good way and make an effort to earn money at first. But I would say it is nonsense you stick in a conventional issue. I hope you find something wonderful which makes you exciting.
skyblue 01/23/01 12:35 PM RE: making ends meet
I understand your frustration of not having all the material goods in this world that money can buy. Based on my own personal experience, I am raised in an Asian household where at times I've felt the need to prove to my family and friends that I can afford luxuries. Indeed, there is also the stereotypical view that all Asians have lots of money which I think that not everyone fits into this category. My advice is to not dwell so much on this issue, but to be frugal with your money (eating at restaurants less often, spending money every weekend, making a lavish purchase, etc). At times, I wish that I could have an abundance of wealth so I could purchase many things. However, I've had to sacrifice my social life at times and let go of the temptation to spend more money. The last sentence of your story is an excellent reflection to remember.
TeaTime 01/22/01 3:17 PM making ends meet
I guess I get more frustrated than anything about not having enough money to do what I want. It's not a super rage, but sometimes when I know I want to do something but can't because money's too tight, I can be very childish about it (like "why can't I do or have that too?). It's all based on greed I know (like greed for experience, greed for the power that money represents etc.). Usually after thinking about it some more, I don't feel so bad because I know there's much more to life than just money. I guess when you're raised in an Asian household (at least in some that I know), there is a lot of emphasis placed on succeeding in life which includes making a lot of money. I don't see dollar bills as a measure of a person's worth so know I have to reflect on that so that I don't allow it to be a measure of my own.
AnimalLover 01/30/01 9:28 PM RE: my friends road rage
I know how you feel. I've just begun driving so I have been the passenger for many years and one of the people I've been a passenger of is my sister who is a crazy driver without even being angry. She feels that she is a good driver and I'll give her that because she is a natural driver with very fast reflexes, unlike me. One thing she does have is a major case of road rage. She gets irritated very quickly and with many people so she honks and yells a lot at people and she loves to cut them off if they're driving too slow.Just to give you another example, when we were on the big island once she scared the heck out of my friend and me. We were running late and there were about three cars stuck behind a big truck that was driving slow. Well, my sister's patience wore off and she overtook all of those cars and pulled back into her lane just in time to miss the oncoming cars. My friend and I seriously thought we were going to die and all my sister could do was crack up laughing because of our reactions.
ddestrad 01/22/01 3:22 PM my friends road rage
Over the weekend, I hung out with my friends girlfriend(who we'll call "Danger"). We all went to a party and during the course of the night, my friends girlfriend and him got into a fight, and he broke up with her. She was very upset, and said she wanted to leave to get cigerettes, so i jumped in the car with "Danger" and i brought my friend Jeremy along for the ride. Of course i didn't think it would be a ride into hell. Once we jumped in the car, she started fuming about how upset she was, so as a mediator i had her talk about what's wrong and to vent to me (wrong thing to do). So we are driving through honolulu on side streets at...ummm 60 MILES PER HOUR!!!So she's whipping it around the bends, screaming, yelling, cutting off people, hanging out the window cursing people out, punching her steering wheel, honking her horn, basically she was pissed off and i have no idea what possessed me to jump in the car with the girl because she was crazy-angry. So during all of this i thought, well this would be a great example of road rage and i will have to post it as a discussion(if i make it out of her alive), during all of this i wasn't going to stop and ask her to tell me her emotions or ask her how she is feeling, because actions surely speak more then words. So as a bystander i'd say she was very mad and it was a result from my friend breaking up with her(which i'll thank him for later, because i endangered myself and my friend jeremy in the backseat) So that was the context and the event, the aftermath was, we survived the trip,went back into the party and i chugged a few beers(a celebration of life), and talked him into reconsidering breaking up with her, because she was very upset by his actions. My psychological explanation was that i was scared because she is nuts when she is angry, and my explanation of her is that "Danger" is one person that should never be pissed off, nor ever behind the wheel of a car, because she does not know how to effectively release her anger in a non- destructive manner.
TeaTime 01/22/01 3:30 PM brat rage
I'm tutoring two kids, one of whom is a real brat. I love him dearly, but he will push everyone's buttons to get his way. It's very amusing and distracting at the same time. The first day we met, I nearly yelled at him because he was trying to get his way all the time. I got angry because I feel kids should learn how to behave when young so they can develop better habits when they are older. I also did not want this spoiled brat to think that he could get away with acting that way on the very first day and set the tone for the rest of the time we were to spend together. He's a great kid, very bright, really, but sometimes when they think so much of themselves because they have everything they could ever ask for (i.e. the classic case of being born with a "silver spoon in your mouth"), they think the world is their oyster and will act like little tyrants... in some ways, I can relate because I was very naughty too but not really as bratty.
purple848 01/24/01 11:20 PM RE: bathroom rage
Oh, no! Poor you that you had to go to a concert that you weren't too crazy about, and your friend took out on you because she missed a part of the concert. I bet it could have been worse if you got upset at her attitude toward you when she vented her anger on you. I have a similar experience as yours. When my boyfriend got upset at a taxi driver's rude attitude, I tried to speak to him because I wanted to compose him. I guess he couldn't hear me well, he said "What?!" with loud voice. I got upset at him for raising his voice at me like that. I said, "Hey, don't take it out on me just because you're upset!" Then he got even more upset. Yes, as you can guess, we got into an argument big time. Now I think that I should have left him alone until he recovered his composure, and I should have known better not to do a thing like adding fuel to the flame. I like your phrase "Inadequate toilets equals bathroom rage." I want to be a person like you who can wisely back off when in a situation that can be awful for both parties.
virtual-b 01/22/01 3:50 PM bathroom rage
A friend of mine dragged me to this boring concert recently. To her, it was pretty good. However when she had to use the restroom, her mood quickly changed. Apparently, the place was not adequately equipped with enough toilets for the women. Women sometimes take a longer time, so lines quickly form outside the restroom. When she came back to her seat, she was ticked off. She missed a couple of songs that she direly wanted to hear and vented her rage on me, being that I was a convenient outlet. Inadequate toilets equals bathroom rage.
shaun56 01/22/01 6:30 PM Student to teacher rage
Well, it goes a little something like this: Today I had a class right. I'll have to keep the class name as well as the teacher anonymous for the utmost obvious reasons. I do not really want to get in trouble, and I sure as hell wanna graduate so lets call him/her: Professor X. Anyways, I went into the class expecting to have a grand old time. I really thought that professor X was a nice person until today. I did my thing as we all did, but Professor X seemed to want to pick on me, and only me. I was bashed totally after I did my thing and got a little bit offended by Professor X's bad comments. I really felt a bit of racism as well as sexism as the teacher adressed me in the ill manner that they did. The rage grew throughout the rest of the period as Professor X did not do anything of the sort to anyone else. I was sort of heated but knew that the steam was to be blown somewhere besides where I was. I endured it and kept the rage within. I know others of you have felt the same thing before in your lives so please feel free to share! Anyways I gotta love Professor X until the semester is over roght, RIGHT!! Peace out and peace in!!!
TVR 01/28/01 8:28 PM RE: Worker/Customer Rage
I also use to work at a store where I got a lot of these retarded customers. I worked there for over five years and I think that some people like to take advantage of certain businesses because they know that they can. I remember this one customer that just wouldn't take no for an answer. It was 12:00am and for our store we stop selling liquor at 11:50pm. It was only 10 minutes but our store policy said that we can't sell any liquor after 11:50. This individual was from CA and I guess the time when they stop selling liquor there is a little later. He insisted that we sell him the liquor and became very blaten. He just wouldn't understand that this is Hawaii and we have different laws. He claimed that he was from CA and he should be able to buy liquor tell the time when they would have stopped. I know this seems pretty st---d but this guy seemed pretty serious. I don't know if he was just fooling around but this was really getting me mad. Anyways, in the end we didn't sell him the liquor. Gosh, I just don't beleive that some people would act th is way this way!!
oshale 01/26/01 8:08 AM RE: Worker/Customer Rage
On the Worker/Customer rage, I can totally agree or understand where you are coming from. unless you work, you wouldn't understand. It's pretty good how you handled it i think. instead of blowing off in front of the customer, you handled it well like an adult, unlike that customer. Arguing over cutting a pie is kind of ridiculous but you were just trying to do your job. Although customers are like kings, or we are taught so, they have to realize that there are rules and regulations in each store and each workers have to abide by them. It is just so sad when they don't realize this. it's just ignorance on their part, so if you tried to explain the policy and they can't understand, what can you do? it's not even worth your stressing!
SpoiledBrat 01/25/01 5:48 PM RE: Worker/Customer Rage
I can totally relate to customer rage. The store I use to work at has a strict store policy. Being an employee you have to follow the rules. The only time any policy is waived is by manager approval. For some reason people think they are the exception to the rule. I don't mind asking the manager for approval to waive a policy, but when the manager is not there I do not have the authority to waive a policy myself. Customers do not seem to understand that employees cannot do certain things. The first thing that comes to their head is that customers are always right. If a customer asks me to do something I am not allowed to do and complains, the first thing I do is tell them the reason we have the policy and I don't have the authority to do anything about it. If they still complain I tell them to come back when the manager is there. You work with food, so I don't think you can tell them to come back. What you can do is find out why your store has the no pie cutting policy. Once you know the reason turn it into a really long dramatic story and whoever asks you to cut a pie and won't take no for an answer just give them a ear full. It is a way of making the customer understand where you are coming from.
MAX676 01/24/01 6:09 PM RE: Worker/Customer Rage
I totally understand were you are coming from. Whenever you work for a buisness that emphasizes 'customer servive' it will always get a little messy from time to time because some of those old slogins condradict the company policies. How can the customer always be right if what the customer wants what is against regulation. The customer has to respect the companies policy of not cutting the pie's and he must understand that there is reason why this rule stands. To make things simple, you should just call the manager and let him take care of the problem because the managers and supervisors are the only people that know the reasons why some of these rules stand. If the manager would have explained to you why you are not supposed to cut the pie's you could have transfered the information to the customer, and he would have nothing to argue about. I think the problem all starts with the buisness you are working for.
Watashi_No 01/22/01 7:16 PM Worker/Customer Rage
How about the rage between customers and workers? I remember when I used to work at a store and a customer came in and wanted to have his custard pie cut into pieces. Now it was store policy that we cannot cut the pies, and I knew this because another person got in trouble for cutting a pie in the past. I do not know what the big deal was for a policy to be that we cannot cut the pies but nevertheless there was the policy. The customer got really angry at me and kept on insisting that I cut his pie, and I kept on telling him that I couldn't and it was against store policy. He then started to raise his voice and in a haughty manner he told me that when he came in before another worker had cut the pie for him. That was the last straw, but luckily I did not start yelling at him (I really, really wanted to though!!) I just tossed the pie on the counter and got a knife and cut the pie into really ugly pieces. At the time, I figured it wasn't worth fighting over, and if I got fired for that it would have been something so silly to be fired over. He had kept on insisting and the store policy was "the customer is always right" so that justified me cutting the pie. Although now when I think about it it was a stupid little thing to argue about on both our parts.
PHYRE2001 01/23/01 10:21 AM ROOMATES AND WORKPLACES
I have to admit working with someone and living with someone is just seeing to much of them. I use to perform with a theater group every week, and so did my roomate. I was part of the group first, and being that my new roomate was a dancer, I thought that it would be fun for the two of us to perform weekly with this theater group. Big mistake, big mistake. Not after two weeks went by, and my roomate thought she was the star of the show. She began to take over and run rehearsals, and tried really hard to upstage the other dancers. Anyhow, one night at the show, she felt that the guy dancers did not belong in the dressing room, so she decided to lock the door. For five minutes the guys were trying to enter the dressing room, when I arrived. Being that she was my roomate and my so-called friend, I tried to enter to the dressing room, knocking consisently until she ulocked the door. When the door flew open, so did a few curse words. I was instantly filled with rage, and started to curse back. I wanted to rip her head off entirely and use it as a prop on stage. The fury ended with me telling her to get the F*** out of my house. I felt bad the next day, but I think it was a blessing in disguise. Life at home is much better now. My explanation, is when one feels taken advantage of, rage rises.
skyblue 01/23/01 12:07 PM SWR#1: Raging Passenger
Have you ever felt that at times a local driver will lack the decency to use some common sense while driving on the freeway. Unfortunately, I had the opportunity to exercise my "passenger seat rage" on Sunday, January 21, 2001. My mother was driving a White 1996 Toyota Tercel DX in the right lane, heading East on the H-1 freeway, past the Punchbowl St. exit. At the same time, I noticed a local guy in his mid-20s driving a black economy car heading out of the Punchbowl St. exit and wanted to enter the H-1 freeway.I was filled with "passenger seat rage" when the local driver failed to do two things. First of all, the local driver failed to signal his intention by indicating with the left blinker that he wanted to cut into the left lane. Second, the local guy veered his black car into our lane that he didn't bother to look at us. The problem was that he kept looking at his left mirror outside of his car. When I noticed his irresponsible driving behavior, my mother accelerated the gas pedal to avoid his vehicle colliding or smashing into our Toyota Tercel. The local guy managed to cut into the same lane by driving in the back of us. Then, as he cut into the next lane beside the driver's side (my mom's seat), I yelled, "Stupid!" to the local guy. I believed the local guy heard my comment because he had a guilty look on his face when he turned to look in my direction while driving away. I thought about how my mother and the local guy's timing of almost getting into an accident was precise. I reacted by yelling to the local driver because the last thing I would want to happen is for our car to be smashed by another moving vehicle. Therefore, my defenses increased when I knew both of our lives could've been in danger.
Dahlin 01/23/01 2:56 PM re:brat rage
I know how it feels to witness and be around brats or bratty kids. my first job was at McDonalds. I do not know how parents tolorate their kids completely manipulating them and getting away with misbehaving. Children would yell and dance around until they got what they wanted. Sometimes parents would say "My daughter will have the cheese burger happy meal" then the kid would yell "NO, I want the chicken nugget happy meal". Without a second thought or a repremand, the parent would say "Sorry, change that to a nugget happy meal". I thought man it I would have done that to my parents I would have gone hungry or at least repremanded. I feel that parents sould discipline their children.
MadHatter808 01/27/01 1:24 PM RE: workrage-with other coworker
Don't worry about her, just play it cool like you're doing now. It's only wasted energy to get angry with her b/c that kind of behavior doesn't deserve to be given any energy, just some thoughtful consideration. She is obviously acting like a hypocrite and like Skyblue pointed out, is very insecure. She should be pitied and helped to see her insecurities. Usually people can't be forced to see things that they are so bent on believing makes up who they are (i.e. she believes she is a well-to-do woman in this world who has love and status and so has nothing to worry about). I think she wants to believe in this fantasy so much so that she doesn't have to face who she really is: a scared person who really needs to be in a loving and truthful relationship with someone that can provide for her huge financial appetite. It's kinda like that saying... we sometimes look for love in all the wrong places. In this case, she is heavily entrenched in her illusion and maybe one day she will realize the fallacy of it all.
skyblue 01/26/01 2:25 PM RE: workrage-with other coworker
I believe the main reason why your co-worker constantly puffs up her ego is attributed to being a very insecure woman. The comments that you described earlier--constantly bragging about her rich boyfriend, her hypocrisy, by her comparing material possessions to other people's bags that she views as not nice, and her shopping spree are all signs of insecurity. In response to your question, she wouldn't be working for $9/hr if she supposedly has a rich boyfriend and claimed to have spent $20,000 on jewelry and clothes. Possibly the paycheck she receives from work is her "play money" and the guy is financially supporting her needs. Perhaps, this woman justifies her actions with words to make her co-workers think that she got her act together/life is bliss. I cannot be the judge for her actions. However, I know for a fact that the lady's comments serve as a cover up for her insecurities. I'm glad you're observing this 40-something year old lady's habits. Who does she think that she's trying to fool?! Not any of the psychology majors!
oshale 01/23/01 3:38 PM workrage-with other coworker
i have about 6 coworkers who i worked with either on the same shift once in a while or regularly. I always got along with them except for one. She is much older than I, around 40s. She is divorced but has a rich boyfriend she always brags about. i have many episodes of rage either expressed or repressed within me about her. she is suppose to be, or she claims herself to be really religious and good christian but it is hard not to notice her hypocricy. She lived with her boyfriend for 6 years. not a good christian moral there but she acts like she is the most fragile and naive person in this world. We all work to earn money but she always says things like, 'oh, i don't need money', and brags how she spent $20,000 in one day buying jewelry and clothes that she doesn't use, and if i ask her, seeing a customer with a nice bag, "isn't that a nice bag?" she would reply like, "that is a ugly design. it's too tacky" or "i don't carry that brand because there are so many copies other there" or whatever. she never agrees. she always makes herself sound so rich and classy when all i want to do is barf at her face. if she is so noble and rich, why is she working for $9 an hour? why doesn't she just stay home and go shopping?
TVR 01/28/01 7:49 PM RE: Rage at neighbors
Sorry to hear about your problems but I know what how you feel. I live in an apartment and my neighbor consently smokes cigarettes. It's not one or two cigarettes a day. But there are a couple of them living in the same apartment and it seems like they take turn smoking just to irriate me. The smoke always seem to linger over to my apartment and I can't seem to get the smell out. I don't smoke and I really hate the smell of it. So I got a fan and I faced it towards the balcony. This helps a little but sometimes I still can smell the smoke. As for me I really can't do anything about it since there are different owners for each apartment. For your situation, if you don't live in an apartment. I would try to ask your neighbor nicely to keep the volume down. I wouldn't think he would get defensive and it might work. Good luck!!
mightymousesa 01/27/01 6:08 PM RE: Rage at neighbors
I have to admit it: I am a loud neighbor. I enjoy music in the morning, and TV while I sleep. I have a lot of friends over and I usually leave my windows open. But, I tell my neighbors to knock if I am ever disturbing them. It may be something as simple as you just mentioning to your neighbor in joking manner that they must have a great sound system hooked up to their TV cause you felt like you were watching the movie too. Don't be aggresive, but don't get walked all over either! Good Luck!
MadHatter808 01/27/01 1:00 PM RE: Rage at neighbors
Hey,Why don't you invest in a good pair of earplugs? I hear silicone ones (like the kind for swimming) are pretty good. You can mold em to any shape in your ear. The soft foamy kinds are OK too but some sound can still go through. I know how you feel... My boyfriend has these neighbors that can get kinda rowdy when they're on their pot smoking in-house techno raving binges. Sometimes I'm trying to study when I visit him and have to use his ambulance head set *plus* foam ear plugs to keep the noise of his TV and the next door neigbor's ruckus out. Our enviornments are not always to our liking so the best thing we can do is to accomodate and make things as reasonably comfortable for ourselves as possible (sorta like how you closed the window). But I would be careful not to arouse any kind of antagonism in them because that could lead them to turn their TV up further or to make more of other noises which would escalate the situation and make it worse. Best to you!
purple848 01/25/01 1:02 AM RE: Rage at neighbors
I really do understand how you feel! I live in a dorm, so I get irritated very often by the noise my neighbors make, such as loud TV, music, and chitchat. I get very angry when the noise woke me up while I was sleeping after I came back home from taking an exam. I thought I had to bear it because I can't afford to rent an apartment room. If we suffer from the same thing, I guess we have to be patient with the neighbors making noise no matter where we live. I decided to go to library if I get irretated by the noise while I am studying. I am thinking about getting earplug because I don't have guts to tell whoever making a big noise. You are not alone. Hang in there and please do not let anyone to waste your precious time.
lavaflow 01/23/01 4:46 PM Rage at neighbors
On Sunday evening, I was reading textbook assigned for Monday. Suddnely I was startled by sounds of car crash coming from TV that my nextdoor people was wathcing (I am living in an apartment and my living room and their livingroom are just next to each other). It was not the first time and they always played music or watched movies with excess volume. On that evening the sound was really intense and I could even hear lines of actors arguing about something. Soon I lost my concentration and became irritated. I closed my window intentionaly making a little big noise than usual. I was hoping that they would notice they were being too loud. But it did not work and the noises continued for about two hours after this. It almost seemed me that the sound intensity was increasing over time. I understand that everyone want to watch movies with good sound effects. But I thought why they could not be more aware of other residents and why they could not adjust the volumes or at least close their window while watching movies.
MadHatter808 01/27/01 2:16 PM RE: No Help After An Accident?!?!?
You ever heard of the bystander effect? That's when a crime or other event where someone's looking for help but doesn't get it because there's more than one person is around witnessing it so they expect others to help the person in need. This was concluded in the rape and killing of a woman in the Bronx I think, which was the first case that we learned about in Social Psychology class (psych 250 I think it was). Basically, everyone in the building complex heard the screams and cries of Ms. Genoese that night (the crime was committed right outside the building I think), but no one called the cops because they thought someone else would. I guess in these very sad cases, it's easier to dismiss b/c people bearing witness to a crime or to another person in need expect someone else to help the person(s) the larger the number of people that are around, and so feel their civic duty will be fulfilled by someone else and so can remain conscience free. It kind of makes sense too if you look at big urban cities where overpopulation leads us to label these type of environments, "callous" and "uncaring" (but of course if this were to happen in the Midwest---overpopulation that is--you would see the same type of effect). Another example I remember seeing on a film for a psych class is something showing someone on a populated beach asking someone else to watch their stuff as they were gonna go run a quick errand. They found from this experiment that the person asked to watch the stuff would most likely run after the guy that tried to take that person's stuff they were asked to watch, but if the person didn't ask him/her to watch it, no one would stop the thief. I guess in your case, it may also seem easy to dismiss b/c people may view car trouble as a common hassle and so believe one is suppose to just chuck it up as annoying as it can be.
shaun56 01/23/01 11:27 PM RE: No Help After An Accident?!?!?
Wussup Daniel, this is your team teacher on tuesdays, Shaun. Your story is prettynuts and nails if you know what I mean. I see this kinda stuff almost everyday. I guess you first have to be in the position of despair (meaning in the stuck car) to actually realize that helping is wonderful..... Uh, yeah right, that's totally B.S.. Only an idiot would not help that sorta thing in prime time Beritania traffic. Maybe I can relate, because I have an old 1967 Volkswagen bug, and these are the most reliable cars as everyone knows. Well anyways, I get stuck all the time and I've learned that my bug is not all that heavy to push by myself. Actually, I think my muscles have broadened in all areas from pushing my car off of the road, freeway, around corners, and yes/// over a curb. Well, don't worry about pricks like that, they usually get backdraft from their own heat later as karma, if you know what I'm sayin. Anyways hope your backs cool bro.............. EASY!!!!!!!!!1
Daniel1978 01/23/01 6:04 PM No Help After An Accident?!?!?
Last week, I pulled a muscle in my back and was in extreme pain. I eventually called a friend to take me to the emergency room. Like a good friend, she came and got me right away. We were driving down Beritainia in heavy traffic and all of a sudden her car stopped! It died in the middle of a busy street. As expected, people began honking and yelling right away. I knew I had to get out of the car and push it to the side of the road, so I did (Let me remind you that I was on the way to the emergency room for back pain). We then called a tow truck and waited...and waited. About an hour into our wait, some guy got out of his SUV and started yelling. At first, I did'nt know what he was yelling about. As he got closer, it was apparent that he was yelling at us. I can't repeat what he was saying here, but basically he was yelling about us *BEEP* blocking traffic. I got up to calm him down only to find that this NUT wanted to fight. Being that I was on the way to the hospital, I was in no condition to play Fisticuffs with some twit driving a soccer-mom car. I asked him why he was threatening us instead of offering us help. He got back in his car and left. We ended up waiting there two full hours for the tow truck. In that ENTIRE time, not a single person offered us help. Unbelieveable. This whole situation left me pretty disappointed with humanity. The guy may have had a bad day and was looking for someone ot take it out on. As for all the other people who never offered us help, I can't begin to fathom the psychological reasons for that.
skyblue 01/24/01 9:34 AM RE: Freeway Rage
You brought up an interesting question which I want to share with everyone else. The reason why some people don't let others cut into a lane while approaching the freeway is that they are probably unaware of the driving etiquette. For example, if you allow a car to cut in front of you, the next vehicle waiting to enter the freeway should let you go first. Then, it's that drivers' turn to proceed. I hope this message answers your question to "Why people don't let others cut in when getting onto the freeway?" Just remember that these inconsiderate drivers will pay their price someday. Continue to be courteous to the drivers that allow to cut in front of their automobile. You're doing the right thing!!
SpoiledBrat 01/23/01 8:50 PM Freeway Rage
This semester my last class before I go home ends at 4:15 p.m. on Tuesday and Thursday. That is the peak traffic time when everybody goes home from work. Because of this I stay in Town till about 6:00 p.m. hoping the traffic will have died down. Even at 6:00 p.m. there is some traffic. I can handle the traffic, but what gets on my nerves is getting onto the freeway. Every car is bumper to bumper and I am trying to get on the freeway and nobody wants to let me cut in. What I usually do is just pick a car I want to cut in front of and force my way in. Sometimes people are nice and they automatically make room. I don't understand why people don't let others cut in when getting onto the freeway. When I am in the lane that the on ramp comes onto I let people on out of courtesy. When I cut in front of someone that did not want to let me on I just wave thank you and at the same time swear at them. Hopefully I will learn to be patient and not get upset about it anymore.
MadHatter808 01/27/01 12:49 PM RE: Bus rage
Yeah, I know, it can be irritating to have all those things happen when you're trying to take the bus to get somewhere on time. It made me laugh the way you put it. I'm 25, with just an *expired* permit and no license so am a regular bus taker. I've had to wait sometimes close to if not a little more than an hour for evening buses when I'm on campus past 6pm and it can be a real drag. My bit is with the sometimes irritated hence rude bus operators that are supposed to be nice and helpful in giving directions for the proper route to destinations. I'm like an idiot when it comes to directions (I'm still trying to figure out makai from mauka) so maybe this adds to their irritation of having to tell a supposed local how to reach her destination site!
virtual-b 01/27/01 10:51 AM RE: Bus rage
I agree with what you're saying. I frequently use the bus as well. I usually get enraged, sort of speak, when the bus arrives late. Because instead of having only five or six people enter the bus at my stop, there are maybe ten people entering at the same time. This only can lead to people being packed like sardines in the bus. Furthermore , the additional amount of riders trend applies to the next stop and the next stop. Didn't the bus drivers get a raise? Is it that tough to keep within a close range of the bus schedule? It ticks me off sometimes that to the point where I choose to walk some blocks to get to another bus route which arrive on time.
snowhawaii 01/26/01 2:35 PM RE: Bus rage
Yes, I often have bus rage too. I'm very punctual too. I don't like to be late at anything. I rather try to arrive 5mins earlier than the time I'm supposed to show up. But it never works as long as I use the bus. In the morning, that's not too bad. Mostly they are likely to come on schedule, or maybe 5mins late. But sometimes they come earlier than the scheduled time! It's not only a couple of times that I saw the bus passing by. In the afternoon, the bus schedule is a phanthon. I don't even check the schedule because it doesn't matter. If the bus never comes when I check the bus schedule and wait, I know I'll get more upset.I know it's not the bus driver's fault but it's because of traffic.But if it comes always late, how come they don't change the schedule time?
oshale 01/26/01 8:24 AM RE: Bus rage
I totally know what you mean. i've had so many episodes of late bus that comes together at once. One time, i had to wait an hour for my bus to arrive. it is suppose to come every 20-25 minutes but it didn't come for an hour. so the next bus that came, i just wanted to yell at the driver. also about the bus, i always try to go out 5 minutes before the schedule but when i do, it's already passed me. so the next time, i go out about 10 minutes earlier than the schedule time. Then the bus comes 10 minutes later so i end up waiting 20 minutes. and about the buses coming together at one time, it is so bad! By that time, the bus is so crowded because the people who should've got on the first bus and the person who came later, all ride the same bus so it becomes super crowded. plus every stop, people has to get off. that really pisses me off! When i am late, i'm sure you'll agree that the signal always turn red and the bus driver is really slow in closing the door and moving forward. plus, when we are late, everyone has to get off at every single stop. Bus can be convenient but many times it is so irritating!
Daniel1978 01/24/01 11:12 AM RE: Bus rage
You know what I bloody hate about the bus? When the bus is full but people are sitting taking up two seats. I'm talking about those seats in the middle of the bus. The ones that are two seats deep, with an isle seat and a window seat. To get to the window seat, you need to cross the isle seat. If someone is sitting in an isle seat, blocking a window seat, it makes me FURIOUS! Why would they do that? Are they afraid of windows? Are they trying to block people from sitting next to them? It's really quite rude. If the bus is full, I'll usually make them move so I can sit next to the window. They usually let out a big "Humph" about it, but that's what they get. that's it, just a little rant.
AnimalLover 01/23/01 11:53 PM RE: Bus rage
I know exaclty what you're talking about! It seems like no matter what time I leave for the bus stop there are always at least two buses leaving or just arriving when I'm right across the street waiting for the stoplight to change and I always miss the bus by like one second. When that happens to me the only thing I can do is laugh at my luck and just wait for the next bus. The best times are when the buses come just as I'm crossing the street and I can just walk straight onto the bus without having to wait but those are extremely rare.
cjn 01/23/01 9:37 PM Bus rage
My means of transportation to the university is the bus, and those who take it must know how frustrating it is to wait for a bus that comes late. Ok maybe I could have showed up at the bus stop earlier; nevertheless it is unexcusable that, sometimes, on your way to the bus stop, you see 2 buses with the same route passing by at the same time. Don't they have a schedule to follow? Like 15 minutes or so in between? This means that I have to wait even longer for the next bus to arrive, which makes me late in turn. I hate being late at anything. And when the bus finally arrives, I would become anxious about making it on time and would try to keep myself from checking on my watch to reassure myself that it's ok, we can get there on time or not. Then there are the traffic lights that get in the way. Isn't it amazing how, when you are late, almost all the traffic lights would sort of turn red once the bus gets to it? This may sound stupid but sometimes I would say to myself: "don't turn red, don't!!!". I do cool down though once I reach my destination. Every day is a different day so I try not to get pessimistic about it, and think more about hopeful thoughts.
lavaflow 01/25/01 10:48 PM RE: Street Crossing Rage
I understand how you feel when your friend almost got hit by the car while crossing the street. It was a little different from your case but I got really scared when the car making left turn came very clese while I was on a crossroad. And this happened like three times within a month. A sad thing was that these drivers were not talking on the cell phone and they were paying attention to people crossing the road, but they made me feel upset by not reducing much speed until the car came really close. I don't know why they do things like this because I don't drive. Also, I don't understand why the woman on the van got mad at you because it was her fault for not paying attention. How could she defend her position if she did hit a person??
cjn 01/25/01 7:03 PM RE: Street Crossing Rage
This reminds me of the time I was on a trip in Taiwan. The people there do not have any idea of what a crosswalk mean. The drivers don't even respect that. I remember I was trying to cross the street with a friend but had to run to get to the other side so that we could still be in one piece. So as we crossed, a car came close to us and really scared us. What we did was give a sort of a punch on the hood of the car, gave the stink eye, and kept on running to the other side of the street. It was so weird.
AnimalLover 01/23/01 11:38 PM Street Crossing Rage
Last week I was waiting to cross the street. At the time there was a there was a bus stopped and a van behind it that we would need to cross between. When the loght turned to walk my friend and I started crossing and the lady in the van was talking on her cell phone and wasn't paying attention so when she saw us crossing she moved forward and almost hit my friend. I got really mad at her and I swore out loud at her before I even thought about what I was saying. When I looked at her to see her reaction she was just staring at me and I just gave her the stink eye right back. I think that instead of talking on her cell phone she should have been paying attention to what's going on around her and if not she has no right to get angry.
shaun56 01/24/01 11:12 PM RE: Classroom Rage From A New Perspective
Yo!Bro! yup, im in the class, and as you know I gots one with you. The students may be bored at first, but once you start to get them going, it is quite alright, out of sight, real tight, and oh yeah..... Dynamite! I think we should not RAGE if we don't get their motors running, afterall, you know how it was to be a freaky freshman right. We were cool, untouchable, undestructible, and yes bored as f#&@. BUT!!!!!!!!!! Now is the new age where us still young students must teach these fools just what its all about. It's about not screwin up the first semester, not drinking that extra beer, at that party, not ditchin class to hang out, and oh yes: learning skillz! Anyways bro, don't worry about it, you just gotta loosen up a little bit and not be so teacher- like. So take it easy and don't let those guys get up your nice armani ties and suit! ha ha ha Peace.
This is Part 1: