College mom balances tests and toddler care

Jayci Roney enjoys a quiet moment at Paradise Palms. Photo by Darlene dela Cruz

By Darlene Dela Cruz

Twenty two-year-old University of Hawai‘i at Manoa student Jayci Roney looks every bit the part of a normal, young college woman.  Energetic and trendily dressed, she sits at a table and sips a chilled coffee drink, talking with friends and taking a break from her academic responsibilities.

Roney's college life, however, entails more than just the typical studying, socializing and self-

seeking responsibilities of a normal, young college female.  Roney has another, bigger responsibility added to the mix: motherhood. 

"My days are always jam-packed," Roney says of life with her son, Ian.  "It's pretty hard."
    
As a young mother in college, Roney juggles a life of textbooks and toddler care; a life of struggling to balance a full-time class load with the full-time task of being a mom.

The senior education major isn't alone in her struggle-young motherhood is a common thing across the nation. According to 2002 statistics from the TeenPregnancy.org Web site, 43 births occurred for every 1,000 unmarried females in the 15 - 19 national age bracket. In Hawaii, 38 births occurred for every 1,000 females in their latter teens.
    
Roney became pregnant with her son at age 18. She and her longtime boyfriend-Ian's father-Ben, got married shortly after Ian was born in 2002.

Since then, every day has been a labor of love for the young woman, a fine balancing act in trying to pursue her own dreams while taking care of the life, future and dreams of her child. "I was sad and very disappointed when I found out I was pregnant," Roney says. "I knew it would rob me of a normal college life.  But, I knew it was something I had to do. I've never wavered in my having and loving my son."
    
Having her son has made Roney's college life less than typical. Her days begin at 7:30 a.m., when she and her husband wake to get Ian ready for preschool.  Unable to get childcare on campus, Roney pays "a bit more" for off-campus childcare, a practice common for young mothers in college.

While she won't disclose the price tag for Ian's particular preschool, a statistic on the SingleParentCentral.com Web site says that for single young mothers, full-time daycare can often run in the same price range as a semester's college tuition.
    
After her son's preschool drop-off, Roney and her husband take classes at UHM, with her working toward a degree in teaching and he working toward a medical degree.  While most college students see classes as a source of stress, Roney sees them as fonts of peace.  From the moment she picks Ian up from preschool after her classes, her day becomes insane once again.

"It's always a madhouse in the afternoon," Roney says.  "There's laundry; there's cooking; there's just stuff that has to be done that has nothing to do with school, but has everything to do with family." Roney tells of a time when her son begged to go shoe shopping at noon one day, but she had to be at work at 1:30 p.m. Every bit of time counts in the life of a young college mom, so she managed to make things work by shoe shopping during a class break.  

Family comes first to the Roneys, and their daily routine includes having dinner together every night. They live with Jayci's grandparents, and they alternate between cooking for Jayci's grandparents and having dinners cooked by them.

Jayci and Ben Roney walk with son Ian. Photo by Darlene dela Cruz

To increase quality family time with her husband and son, Roney has taken a drastic measure that most college kids wouldn't dare to do. "Last semester, we took out our TV connection," Roney says. "We really try to turn all those distractions off, especially at night after dinner, so Ian can just play until he falls asleep."    

Roney can't begin studying until Ian is put to bed. For her rambunctious toddler, bedtime sometimes means 11 p.m., leaving Roney to crack her books at the crack of dawn. But, she has no qualms about it. "Even if it means staying up till 3 a.m. to study, I have to do what I have to do," she says.
    
While having a child often kisses away many young women's potential for college success, Roney says that having had her son has had the opposite effect on her and her husband, strengthening their educational commitment instead of defraying it. Her motivation is manifested in her involvement in UHM's Mortar Board Honor Society, her being in the Honors College and her having already completed a minor in Spanish. And, she says, she's willing to do anything else to get into law school after graduation this spring. "That's been one of the blessings that came with having Ian," she says. "We really became concentrated on our schoolwork.  We've put all our focus into it."

"We went to Iolani school, and we lived a 'privileged' life for so many years.  Then, we suddenly became pregnant, and now we are living below the poverty line," she says. "It's so hard to make it in this state, to pay for medical insurance...and because of that, we are going to do whatever it takes to live comfortably."

For Roney, that has meant adding 15 - 20 hours of work to her school commitments.

Roney's social life has had to change to accommodate her intense workload.  While she still gets to see her old high school friends at least once a week, hanging out isn't as easy as it was before motherhood.

"Sometimes, my friends will call and say 'let's go to a movie,' and I'm like 'I need more than four hours notice!" she says. "I need to find a babysitter, you know?"

Roney acknowledges that she sometimes feels like she's missing out on a normal college party life, but is content with her situation nonetheless. "I see my friends who are living that life, and a lot of it is making mistakes and being in bad relationships," she says. "I'm happy in a way that I've already found the person I want to be with for the rest of my life and we're having a family together.  But, you know, who doesn't want to not have responsibilities?"

When asked if her overwhelming responsibilities had ever given her thought to quitting college, Roney quickly responds in an assertive, "No, not ever. I always knew that for Ian to have a good life, I have to finish school," she says.  "For him to have an even better life, my husband and I need to get our medical and law degrees." 

Roney credits her strong familial support system for giving her the positive attitude toward completing her education. "If I didn't have my husband, and if I didn't have my family, that would be a completely different situation," she says. "But I'm lucky that I have all those people around me who are willing to help me."

The biggest challenge, Roney says, of being a young mother in college is the societal judgment that comes with the territory. Roney hopes other young mothers will do whatever they can to work through the negative ideas that society has of them.

"Don't stop school," she says. "There's an unfair stigma that comes with being a young parent. In order to work through it, you need to rise above it and better yourself."

One day, Roney hopes all her hard work will pay off in her son's future. "I want to see him go to college and achieve all his dreams -- achieve more than me," she says. 

She also hopes to have more kids someday, but says that it's tough to predict when being that her plans of going to law school and teaching, and her husband's plans of going to medical school make it hard to fit in another child anytime soon. "There's never a good time to have a kid," Roney says.