Giving manners a good workout

By Sarah Pacheco

The time I spend at the gym is not just for the health of my body.  Those two hours, four to five times a week are also reserved for toning and exercising my mind.  I go into a trance during my cardio workouts on the elliptical or treadmill machines.  I can think clearer and better than during other moments of the day.  But when I travel upstairs, to the weight room, my happy cloud of endorphins dissipates as the reality of rude gym-goers rears its ugly – and quite frankly annoying – head.
           
The gym personality

After being a bona-fide gym member for a year now, I have come to the conclusion there are four main types of bad-mannered exercisers.  The first is what I like to call “The Noisy.”  Whether it is a piercing scream, a breathy giggle or, as one woman at my gym is so kind to share at the highest sound level possible, a sexual groan, the sounds that emit from the Noisies are distracting.  Yes, lifting heavy weights is hard work.  But is it necessary to share whatever pain you’re going through with others in the room?  When I’m trying to concentrate on how many reps I’ve done, the last thing I need is a persistent moan piercing my ears.
           
The second gym offender is “The Machine Wolf,” or more commonly referred to as the “Machine Hog.”  I call these people wolves because they will stake out an area in the weight room and remain there for hours on end.  There are two subcategories of Machine Wolf – the lone wolf and the pack.  The lone wolf will claim his or her territory by placing his or her towel, water bottle, magazine or whatever else he or she may have handy on machines he or she is not using at the moment.  The wolf will then work out on a nearby machine, but snarl ferociously at anyone who comes near the marked terrain.  Even though no one was technically on the machine, there was an old energy bar wrapper on the weight-stack, meaning, “Paws off!”
           
The pack of wolves is more likely to be seen.  A pack consists of three to four close buddies who remain on the same group of machines, their territory, for extended periods of time that can last more than, as I have observed, an hour.  When one wolf is done with one machine, he or she will rotate with his or her pack member.  This trade-off cycle will continue despite requests to use one machine from non-pack members.
           
“The Show-Off” comes in as the third type of aggravating gym-goer.  I don’t know about you, but when I go to a gym it’s to work out, not to impress some stranger with how cute I can look in my sports-bra or how much weight I can bench press.  I see women who stop running after five minutes because their make-up is starting to run or their fancy-schmansy designer pants are falling down.  I see men go increase weight increments on machines by 50 pounds, only to turn blue in the face trying to do one bicep curl. 

Avoiding the road to injury

These tactics are not attractive; in fact, they are dangerous.  According to Marty Gallagher’s article “Pain in the Mass: Ten Most Common Causes of Training Injury,” most injuries are caused by poor exercise technique.  Improper technique can lead to pulled, ripped or wrenched muscles, or torn delicate connective tissue.  In her article “10 Tips for Safe Workouts,” Elizabeth Quinn says that “many people have lots of enthusiasm initially, and go too hard, too soon,” which can lead to injury.  Quinn includes dressing properly in her tips for a safe, injury-free workout.  Besides possibly causing harm to himself or herself, the Show-Off can distract others in the gym from their workouts.  Even worse, he or she may break the machine by incorrectly using it.

Going nowhere on the treadmill

But at least these characters are doing something, albeit aggravating things, with their time.  In my book, the worst type of workout fiend is “The Squatter.”  The Squatter is the person who quite possibly holds the answer to the question. “How can gym enrollment be so high but members still be out-of-shape?”  Simple.  After the Squatter signs up for the Ultra-Maximum-Special-Super Membership Deal, he or she finds a nice looking machine and just sits on it.  Or better yet, he or she sits there discussing last night’s episode of “Desperate Housewives” with his or her friend, who is busy playing around on the neighboring machine   Just the other day I played witness to a teenager chilling on the rotary calf machine, grooving to his iPod, for over 10 minutes.  When a rather large and disgruntled Pack Wolf asked the Squatter if he was finished with the machine, he said “no,” did a few reps then continued with his interrupted private concert.  Last I checked there were places people could go to chat, relax, listen to music, read a book or do whatever else they please for free.  I know it sounds too good to be true, but I swear I’m not making this up.  These utopian places are called homes, private residences where what you do is your prerogative and no one can tell you otherwise.

I know I sound preachy, but I take my gym time seriously.  It’s my two hour break in a hectic, pressure-filled day.  If a person is on a machine I want to use, I understand and will move on to another one until the first machine is free.  But if said machine is occupied for 20 minutes by an inconsiderate Squatter or Lone Wolf’s towel, I get a little testy -- as I am sure many others do.